humor comments edit

This thought has crossed my mind several times, but really hit me yesterday while driving home from work: There are two kinds of people in the world - those who believe in the bumper sticker as a statement and those who think the bumper sticker people need to figure out their larger issues.

I’m one of the people who think that bumper sticker folks need to figure out their larger issues.

Maybe it’s different in other parts of the country (or the world, for that matter). I can only really use the Portland, Oregon locale as my frame of reference since I’ve never really spent too much time in other places. Stick with me here - I really don’t think I’m wrong on this one…

For example, if you own a Volkswagen bus (already you’ve dug a hole for yourself, but…), where is it written that you need to cover the entire back end of the bus with bumper stickers? And, yes, I’m counting the Grateful Dead sticker(s). No one is more tired of seeing those stupid bears than I am.

I also noticed that if you do choose the bumper sticker route, all the bumper sticker people in Oregon have made a pact that they all need to have a “Visualize Whirled Peas” sticker, like that’s the most original or funny statement ever.

This is actually what set me off and made me think to write about this

  • I was driving behind this Volvo-driving hippie with his Grateful Dead sticker, his “Clearcutting Kills Salmon” sticker, and his obligatory “Visualize Whirled Peas” sticker, when I felt this overwhelming urge to pull him out of his car and wipe the stickers off his bumper with his forehead. It really makes me wonder - do these bumper sticker people really think that driving around with these statements on their barely-passing-DEQ-Volvo-automobiles is going to make people stop clearcutting or consuming natural resources (or anything else for that matter)?

Maybe I’m just jaded. I mean, the first time I saw a beggar with a sign saying “Why Lie? I Need A Beer,” I gave the guy a fiver. I thought it was clever, and if you can provide entertainment of some nature, sure, I’ll contribute. (Hey, I gotta get something for my money - there’s no free lunch out there.)

But now when I see these dozens - nay, hundreds - of people (some wearing nicer clothes than what I’ve got on at the time), all of which are carrying “Why Lie? I Need A Beer” signs… it just irritates me.

I think that’s what’s happened with the “Visualize Whirled Peas” thing. I think I can dredge up a memory of a time when I actually thought that was clever. It’s just not anymore. And there’s the rub.

You know, I’m not really sure where I’m going with this. Maybe I’m just frustrated at the lack of originality out there. Maybe I just think bumper sticker people are mindless sheep lacking any proper sense of humor. Maybe I’m just talking to hear the sound of my own voice. Who knows? I guess the long and the short of it is, if you want to make a statement, make the damn statement already and lose the stupid bumper stickers.

Oh, and all who wander are fucking lost, so get some direction and contribute to society already. You know who you are.

food comments edit

There’s something about a Starbucks Frappuccino that just gets me going. Nothing like a Venti* Mocha Frappuccino right before work. I got one this morning with my friend/coworker/boss Greg at the local Barnes & Noble. Really just hit the spot. More [probably] later…

* “Venti” is actually a trademarked word of Starbucks, which I really don’t understand because it’s Italian for “twenty.” How do you trademark a number? What’s that all about?

gaming, playstation, toys comments edit

Jenn is gonna be so pissed

I went to this Cheat Code Central site and found all these secrets and cheats for Grand Theft Auto 3. There’s a bunch of stuff I didn’t know about, like if you get a certain number of these hidden packages that are stuck around the city then you get more weapons that regenerate around your hideout. That’s cool, since right now I just get a baseball bat and a gun would be handy. There are also all of these hidden missions around the city…

Looks like I’ll be spending some quality PS2 time tonight. I hope. :)

Talked to my mom at the Fred Meyer main office and it looks like I may be SOL as far as the Tom Jones selection at Freddy’s. Guess I’ll have to hit Tower or something this weekend. Sigh. Not that I’m disappointed to go to Tower, but I was hoping to have my Tom fix sooner rather than later. Oh, well.

I ate some Red Vines this morning and it reminded me how good they are. I hadn’t had them for a while. Tasty! Something I don’t understand, though: black Red Vines. Shouldn’t Red Vines be, well, RED?

Maybe I’ll have to get some Red Vines this weekend. A tub of those things lasts forever, regardless of how much you eat. It’s like magic.

I’ve got this set of Rollerscape in my cube. It’s pretty sweet. I’m thinking I need more pieces, though, since the size of the marble raceways you can build with the starter set is a little limited. I need to be able to build something that’s, like, as tall as I am. It’d be much more impressive that way.

I went to The Wherehouse today to get my fill of Tom Jones, as I mentioned I had a craving for yesterday. Let me state now, for the record, that The Wherehouse has a pathetic fucking selection of Tom Jones albums. The only one (yes, one) they had was an old greatest hits album. And they only had one copy of that! Unbelieveable.

As you can tell, I’m a little irritated over the whole thing. What this basically amounts to is that now I have wait until Friday and head over to Fred Meyer on employee double-discount day and hope that they have a better selection than The Wherehouse did. And pay full price, at that, since The Wherehouse had no used copies of Tom Jones stuff, either.

I suppose having no used Tom Jones albums implies something about Tom Jones fans and their retention of his records. Score another point for ol’ Tom.

On a whole different topic, you know how you go to the Microsoft Support website and search their Knowledge Base and the articles are all numbered like “Q123456” and stuff? Well, after working with the developer support team on an issue for, like, months now, I finally have a resolution to a SharePoint Portal Server memory leak I found, and they’re going to put a Knowledge Base article in about it! When it’s out, it’ll be Q319472. I’ll put a link in here when I find it, which should be in a week or so. I’m stoked. (No, it won’t have my name in it or anything, but I’ll know it was me who found the problem!)  [UPDATE: It’s out!]

And, in the world of Liberty City… Last night I played chauffeur for a mob boss’s girlfriend and gunned down a bunch of Triad guys. The missions are getting a lot harder now. I thought I was doing pretty well on the “drive this person around for a while” missions, but now I’m having to get out and gunfight… I can’t wait until I get the sniper rifle. The gun combat in that game is a little difficult.

Oh, and I felt sort of good when Business 2.0 declared the movie Freddy Got Fingered as one of the 101 Dumbest Moments in Business for 2001. Call me crazy.

Sitting here in a minor state of hypnosis (taking a short breather between massive server upgrade projects), I decided that I definitely need to get a Tom Jones album. Something about his rendition of Prince’s song Kiss not only gets me movin’, but cracks me up at the same time. (Yeah, yeah, that was actually “Art of Noise featuring Tom Jones” but still…)

Besides, any guy who can get panties thrown at him everywhere he goes deserves a little respect.

Maybe I’ll go do that today.

Bit of a follow-up from yesterday: I found a website that has the Tron figure collection for dirt cheap! I ended up buying all the rest of them. To make up for lost time. Or something. Just a sec, I’ll justify it…

Oh, and a while back I tried to listen to some of the vinyl albums in my collection and the turntable didn’t start up. I thought it might be a fuse or something (it’s like 20 years old if it’s a day), but it turns out there’s this little pin that’s connected to the A/C plug that came unsoldered. Of course, it’s too small to solder yourself, so I started looking for spare parts.

Good luck finding spare parts for a 20 year old turntable.

I did, however, find the same model turntable that a guy was selling online for $55 (which is a real bargain if you’ve ever priced turntables). I decided to buy it since that way I’ll have spare parts for the next time this thing goes dead.

And I continue to progress through the world of Grand Theft Auto III. Last night I hijacked an ice cream truck and bombed four gangsters, ran a mission as a limo driver being chased by the Triads, and [barely] won a street race. Admittedly, I’m feeling pretty accomplished. (Those Triad guys in the game, though, are real bitches. I just drive through that section of town and they shoot at me. The next mission I’ve got is to kill 25 of them in two minutes using a flamethrower. The problem there is that I can’t frickin’ find 25 of them. They all run like scared little girls.)

I wonder if Tom Jones plays GTA3… Hmmmm….