home comments edit

This morning I went in to my local Target store to see if they had any little cast-iron bistro sets that I could put on my apartment deck (they didn’t). While there, I witnessed something I’m not sure I was supposed to see.

Upon trying to check out, I approached the cash register area… and no one was there. Looking closer, I saw that every Target employee on duty was in the customer service area.

There were probably 30 of them, standing in a large circle, all of them doing Tai-Chi-like exercises, all in perfect unison. When I approached, the entire group stopped and their apparent leader turned to look me right in the eye, and in a monotone voice declared, “It looks like we have a guest.”

One of the employees broke off long enough to scan my item, take my money, and send me on my way. As I walked out the door, I could see her returning to (what I’ve decided to call) “The Pod.”

Let me tell you, it was weird. It wouldn’t have been any more weird had they been standing around a pentagram in goatskin chaps. It makes me wonder if these morning rituals have anything to do with the success of the store. Hmmm. I wonder if other stores take part in such things. Anyone out there know?

traffic comments edit

Before I get this going, a quick note: I saw both Minorty Report and The Sum of All Fears yesterday, and both were quite good. I’ll have to work up a review for them when I get a chance.

Now, on with the show.

My commute this morning was like a gift that God Himself created special for me, wrapped up in a little package, and handed to me in my car. My normal commute takes about 45 minutes, give or take, in the morning and close to 60 minutes returning home in the evening. My commute to work this morning took 15 minutes. Unbelieveable. I almost cried.

This brought to mind a theory I’ve been working on that I thought I might share. Folks who know me have probably already heard this, but let me enlighten those who haven’t. I call it “The Theory of Indefinite Commute.” Let me explain.

If I leave really early in the morning, I can get to work pretty quickly (this happens on holidays, too, but we’ll consider those anomalies for the time being). The later I leave from my house, the longer the commute takes. In fact, it increases at a nearly exponential rate. Once a certain point in the morning is reached, the commute starts taking less time because, of course, rush hour is ending. What happens right in the middle of those two times? That’s where the theory comes in.

The Theory of Indefinite Commute: There is a time in the morning that, were I to leave and attempt to commute to work at that time, would result in me commuting to work indefinitely.

Here’s a graph that illustrates the principle:

Fig. 1: A graph illustrating the Theory of Indefinite
Commute Fig. 1: The Theory of Indefinite Commute, Illustrated

The time I leave my apartment is represented by the X axis; the time it takes me to get to work is represented by the Y axis. The blue lines indicate how the commute normally functions. The red line is what the theory revolves around. That’s the point that, were I to leave at that time, I would commute for time and all eternity.

I’m not sure what, exactly, I’ve discovered. It may be a hole in the time-space continuum that opens up at exactly that time, sort of like in Time Bandits. Who knows? At times I wonder if I would simply commute until I died or if I would actually commute eternally, immortal. Someday, maybe, I’ll attempt to locate exactly what time that is and try it… but I’m afraid of what might happen. Maybe it’s got something to do with the Bermuda Triangle. Maybe it’s got something to do with how many licks it takes to get to the center of a Tootsie Pop. I suppose, as Mr. Owl says, “The world may never know.”

personal comments edit

You know those stupid questionnaires that you get that your friends send you in email that ask you a bazillion questions so you can “get to know each other better?”

Yeah, you know ‘em.

I hate those.

Of course, I feel strangely compelled to answer the questions at the same time, though. I’m not sure why, really. Maybe I feel the need to share because they shared with me. Either way, this time I got one and I decided to share my answers here, so I don’t have to try to remember everyone’s email addresses or perpetuate the junk mail. If someone wants to see my answers, they can come to the site.

So here you go.

  1. If you could build a house anywhere, where would it be? That’s a tough one. I’ve never really been anywhere, so I can’t really say. But I suppose, given the choice, I’d probably choose either somewhere in Paris or maybe Rome. I should probably visit those places before committing to anything, though.
  2. What’s your favorite article of clothing? My Spider-Man baseball jersey. I also like my Winter Hawks jersey.
  3. Favorite physical feature of the opposite sex? Yow. I have to say “bust,” like “statue” sort of “bust” - kind of from the armpits up. I have sort of an eye/teeth ratio that needs to be maintained - if you have great eyes but crappy teeth, you won’t fly with me. Great teeth and ugly eyes don’t work, either. I’ve also got a thing for nice hair, especially if it’s been put up and has those little wispy bits flowing down around the ears. All of these features may be overridden partially by a nice display of cleavage, though.
  4. What’s the last CD that you bought? I bought Kylie Minogue’s Hits + and Michelle Branch’s The Spirit Room at the same time.
  5. Where’s your favorite place to be? At the movies.
  6. Where’s your least favorite place to be? Gigantic family events; or events where there are a large number of people that I don’t know, don’t really want to know, yet am expected to mingle with. Yes, this includes holidays.
  7. What’s your favorite place to be massaged? On the inside of my forearms.
  8. Strong in mind or strong in body? Definitely strong in mind. I sit on my ass all day long programming. I’m a huge wuss.
  9. What time do you wake in the morning? 6:30a
  10. What’s your favorite kitchen appliance? The microwave has some serious appeal, though we just bought this giant cheese grater that I’ve grown an affinity for.
  11. What makes you really angry? Way too much, probably. I really hate people who won’t listen to me when I know I’m right. I’m not right all the time or anything, and I’ll be the first to admit when I’m wrong… but when I know I’m right, you need to listen or there will be problems. I also hate bad drivers, and that means just about everyone else on the road.
  12. If you could play any instrument, what would it be? Drums.
  13. Favorite color? Used to be green, then red… now I’m liking blue. Like, cobalt, French blue.
  14. Which do you prefer, sports car or SUV? Sports car. People who drive SUVs most likely don’t need the four-wheel drive or the space it offers, so all it does is suck up gas and fuck up our natural resources. Don’t even talk to me if you own one of those damn Ford Expedition gas guzzlers. I feel the same way about large pickup trucks. Also, most folks who own SUVs don’t know how to drive them. If you own the car, learn to fucking park it. On the other hand, sports cars can be made to be gas-efficient, and the people who own sports cars usually know how to at least park them.
  15. Do you believe in afterlife? As in, “Heaven?” Yeah, I do. Not so sure about reincarnation, though.
  16. Favorite children’s book? The 500 Hats of Bartholomew Cubbins by Dr. Seuss
  17. What is your favorite season? Summer.
  18. What’s your least favorite household chore? Anything to do with yard work. Mowing, raking leaves, spreading barkdust. It’s all one big suckfest.
  19. If you could have one super power, what would it be? Telekinesis.
  20. If you have a tattoo, what is it? No tattoos. No plan on getting any, either.
  21. Can you juggle? Yup, but only three or fewer items.
  22. The one person from your past you wish you could go back and talk to? My grandmother from my mom’s side.
  23. What’s your favorite day? Saturday. You can sleep in and you can stay up late, both without affecting your ability to make it to work and/or function.
  24. What’s in the trunk of your car? A car vaccuum and a set of jumper cables.
  25. Which do you prefer, sushi or hamburger? Burger. I do like the seaweed and the wasabi paste that go with the sushi, but I’m not really a fish eater. Give me a big burger, though, and I’m in heaven.
  26. Of the people you e-mailed this to, who’s most likely to respond? Since I’m not emailing it to anyone, I don’t expect anyone to really respond at all.
  27. Who’s least likely to respond? Well, everyone. Again, since it’s not being emailed…

personal, family, cats comments edit

I got my baby kitty last night! She is the cutest thing in the world, about 10 weeks old and weighing only a pound or so. I named her Xev, after the character in Lexx, because the kitty has a flat tummy that has sort of lizard-looking spots. Also, she’s pretty feisty, so I figured the name worked.

We picked her up from Jenn’s cousin’s house last night and took her to Petco (“Where the pets go”) to pick out a bed and a scratching post.

$80 later, we came out with a new litter box (we realized the one we have isn’t big enough for two kitties), a scratching post/”cat condo” thing, an Iams kitten starter kit (food, toy, bowls), and a couple of toys she can play with.

Then we brought her home to meet Semper, the 15 pound tub of cat that we already had.

Semper is a big cat, but she really just doesn’t care about much. She’s pretty laid back. She’ll wanna sniff around, but she’s not really going to do anything about anything.

When we introduced Xev to Semper, Semper sort of sniffed a bit and then flopped over on her side. Pretty obvious friendship offering, I thought. Xev decided to growl and arch her back, which was pretty funny because she’s about as big around as a pipe cleaner, and the growl was more cute than scary.

Anyway, as Xev walked around, getting accustomed to her new surroundings, Semper would stay a constant four feet behind her. If Xev would start walking, Semper would start walking. If Xev stopped to smell something, Semper would sit down and wait.

Long story short, they weren’t as fast of friends as I thought they might be, but I think there’s potential. Xev needs to chill out and Semper needs to be a little less possessive of stuff (she’ll hiss just a little bit if Xev walks past the food). I think it’ll all be okay.

We put Xev in the bathroom overnight with her bed, food, water, and the old litter box. That way she wouldn’t be in danger of getting into anything with Semper. Besides which, she cried so loud when she was just free that we couldn’t stand it anymore and had to stick her in the bathroom. I’m surprised Semper didn’t come around the corner and club her, the racket she was making.

I’ll try to take a picture of her soon and put it up so you can see her. The people at Petco said she was part Bengal, which I tend to agree with - that’s exactly what she looks like. Only tiny, and sort of lizardish. Either way, she’s my baby.

home, movies, media, cats comments edit

After a busy week and a busier weekend, life around the house is almost back to normal. Tomorrow they’ll pick up my electronics for cleaning. On Wednesday the cleaning crew is going to seal in our asbestos-filled ceiling because it can’t be cleaned. Then Friday the upholstered items that haven’t been taken (carpet, couch, etc.) will all be cleaned. Finally, Monday the crew will come and put everything back together.

Then this whole ordeal will be over.

Except that the apartment complex still owes me money for replacing all the food that was ruined, the day I had to take off of work to get things moving in the cleaning process, and all the meals we had to eat out because we couldn’t cook in the kitchen.

I have a whole new respect for people who get nailed by smoke or water damage. What we’ve got is, I’m sure, nowhere near what a lot of people have dealt with, and even this little bit has turned life upside-down.

Jenn and I went to see Mr. Deeds this weekend and we both thought it was pretty darn good. It never hurts that Winona Ryder, shoplifter as she may be, is completely gorgeous. I’ve liked her ever since Beetlejuice and really got sucked in for Bram Stoker’s Dracula… but this next-door-girl look she’s got going in Mr. Deeds takes the cake. There is a qualification, though: With the long hair, she’s like buttah. With short hair… eh. Not so much. But any day of the week, Winona, just stop on by my place. I promise Jenn won’t mind.

Jenn and I went on a bit of a DVD-buying trip this weekend because it was double-discount day for employees at Fred Meyer. I ended up getting:

I watched the director’s commentary on Ferris Bueller and it was pretty cool. Unfortunately, my PS2 started crapping out toward the end; I’m not sure if it’s dirty from the soot problem or if it overheats after about an hour and a half of playing or what. I ended up not getting to watch the last five minutes or so.

Hopefully tonight I’ll get to pick one of the baby kitties that Jenn’s cousins have. The one I want (and the only one left unclaimed) is the runt of the litter, a tiny cat with a flat chest like a lizard. I think I want to name her Xev.