I thought of the greatest idea just now while I was taking a leak.

So, you know how your standard Venetian blinds have all these little blades that rotate in order to close and open the blinds, right? You can twist the little stick to make it so you can see out (or not).

Well, they make blinds in different colors, right?

And I have seen “rainbow” blinds with different colors of “blades” in a rainbow pattern…

So how come you can’t buy blinds that have pictures painted/printed on the blades? So like, if I close my blinds, I could see a tropical forest, or a beach, or even just a sunny day in the city?

I think that’s actually a marketable thing. You could have any number of things printed on the blinds. Classic artwork, scenery, family photos (if you’re that into the family thing), etc. The possibilities are endless. You could even take pictures people submit and print up blinds based on their photos, if you really wanted to get into it. You could also make it so that when you close the blinds, you see a picture on BOTH SIDES. That might be cool, too.

Does that already exist? If not, maybe I just found my way to retire…

Our room was hot and stuffy last night. So while I was laying in bed, I kicked one leg out of the blankets - sort of a way to regulate my temperature. Shortly after, Jenn decided she needed to pull up the sheet. God only knows why, since that would just make you HOT, but she needed the sheet. I, of course, had them pinched between my legs. The ensuing conversation went something like this:

“Trav, what’s the sheet stuck on?”

“My legs.”

“Huh?”

“My legs. I have one leg in and one leg out.”

“Oh, so you have, like, a sheet sandwich.”

“I guess so.”

“And your legs are the bread.”

At this point I started laughing way too hard for my own good. For some reason, the Sheet Sandwich was as funny as Turd Ferguson. Besides which, it sort of sounds like “shit sandwich,” a phrase Jenn had apparently never heard before. Anyway, it was funny.

Speaking of Turd Ferguson, I’m thinking of throwing together some Turd Ferguson t-shirts. Anyone interested in buying?

Now that all the Turd talk is out of the way, let me get to the latest thoughts and maybe even the weekend… Prepare for the non sequiturs of a lifetime.

I’m on the Frederick’s of Hollywood mailing list. What self respecting, heterosexual guy isn’t, right? Anyway, I’ve decided I need a chick who shops almost exclusively at Frederick’s. Don’t even give me this crap about how you think it’s trashy or whatever - a little ‘trashy’ never hurt anyone. I mean, where else can you get a corset top like this? (Yes, I’m a corset lover, so sue me.) I keep trying to convince Jenn, but no dice. Grrrrr…

This weekend, as the US readers are aware, was Labor Day weekend. Which basically means three days off instead of the standard two. What did I do?

Pretty much nothing, and it was all I thought it could be.

Friday night - nothing. Saturday we went to dinner for Jenn’s grandpa’s birthday. At least I think it was Saturday; I really don’t remember if it was Saturday or Sunday. I think it was Saturday. Anyway, that was that. I had some shrimp, which were pretty good, and Jenn had a ham and cheese omelette. Sunday we rented Birthday Girl, The Sweetest Thing (Unrated), and Showtime.

Birthday Girl was decent, but I guess I went into it thinking it was a spy movie of some nature, so I was disappointed when it wasn’t. I did figure out while watching, though, that if you could get women like Nicole Kidman off of Russian mail-order bride services, those things would be a lot more popular.

The Sweetest Thing was iffy. I think Jenn liked it more than I did. It felt to me like they tried to get the raunchy American Pie style humor but tried too hard and, thus, failed. The plot itself was pretty weak, and the dialogue was passable at best. Eh.

Showtime was funny if formulaic. I’m glad we rented it, but I’m also glad we didn’t pay full price for it in the theater.

Monday we didn’t really do anything. My mom had given me a disposable camera with some black and white film in it, so we ran around taking pictures of stuff, sort of like Dustin Hoffman in Rain Man. Most of them actually turned out pretty well, including this picture of my baby Xev cat. I think I like black and white film better because it gives things sort of an old, mysterious look.

The whole reason we did that, I think, is actually because we were watching Rain Man the night before on TV.

During the show, I saw a commercial that Time Life is offering old episodes of The Muppet Show on DVD now. Amazon has a couple, too, but you get a better deal if you buy the whole set from Time Life all at once. I want them.

For those who watch it, Red Dwarf looks like it will be coming out with DVDs in November of this year. I’ll be picking those up, too, when they emerge.

At work, I’m discovering quickly that Microsoft Exchange workflow is a bitch to set up and really isn’t worth the effort. I can see now why companies make add-on tools and helper apps to assist in the setup of this beast.

There are lots of PS2 games I’m looking forward to, including Hitman 2, Auto Modellista, and The Getaway. But none come close to Grand Theft Auto: Vice City. I’m so stoked for it, I can’t even explain.

Oh, I saw yesterday’s Dilbert comic and it was so me I had to print it out and tape it to my cube. Maybe people will get the hint.

I went to lunch today with my friend Colin. He introduced me to a local joint called “Reo’s Ribs.” I guess the place used to be one of those traveling roach coaches and now it’s expanding to be more of a full-size restaurant. It’s this guy named Reo who has this huge oil-drum-style grill and cooks up pork, chicken, and beef products on it, dowsing it generously in his special BBQ sauce.

I had the BBQ beef sandwich, and let me tell you - it was the best BBQ beef sandwich I’ve ever had.

I mean, this is the Krispy Kreme of barbecue. Dollar for dollar, you can’t go wrong with this place. I ate the sandwich and the side of red beans and rice (even the side dishes rule), then went for a slice of sweet potato pie. I could have eaten more until I got sick and still wanted it. It was that good.

I actually got to meet Reo while I was there. Nice guy.

Anyway, you have to go. Maybe I’ll see you there.

Side note: I am still trying to find a place to exchange my Buffy season 2 DVD set. I’ve tried all the local Fred Meyer stores, but none of them ever seem to have it in stock. I tried Best Buy last night, but they were jerks about the whole thing, so I left.

This got me frustrated, so I called my mom. (Mom works in the main office at Fred Meyer so I figured she’d know what to do.) Mom gave me the number for the DVD buyer at the main office, who I called and found that the closest store to me that has it in stock is in Salem. (Incidentally, they also have it at the Juneau, AK, store, but I’m not ready to make the drive.) Anyway, since they don’t have it, they’re going to set one aside for me in the next shipment so I can swap out the next time some come in.

Thank goodness. I really don’t know what I’d do if Mom didn’t work in the main office of Freddy’s. I guess I’d be a frustrated consumer just like everyone else out there. It’s good to be me.

Well, I can’t say I’m terribly surprised by the outcome of last night’s American Idol show. Nikki’s been voted out of the competition. I say I’m not surprised because she was so outclassed vocally by the two other contestants that if it hadn’t happened, I’d wonder what was wrong with America.

So Nikki’s gone, but not forgotten. I hope she continues to pursue her career, because I’d buy a Nikki McKibbin album. She has that rocker edge to her that makes her entertaining.

I still hope Kelly wins, though. Justin’s good, but I like Kelly better.

I am glad that we got to hear Nikki sing Stevie Nicks’s Edge of Seventeen. I think that was a great song for her. It doesn’t hurt that I like that song a lot, either.

Speaking of Edge of Seventeen and songs I like… I was listening to Mark and Brian the other morning and after they played whatever bumper music they were playing, Brian said something about that bumper music being “the perfect song.” I don’t remember what the song was, but the idea of “the perfect song” stuck in my head. I don’t think there is any one “perfect song,” but there are certain songs I feel are “perfect.” Edge of Seventeen is one of those. I’m not even sure really why. Maybe it’s the little background guitar riff thing going on. Maybe it’s the harmony. Maybe it’s just Stevie. Who knows. But it’s one of those songs that sounds better the louder you play it, and you can listen to it over and over without really getting tired of it. Sometimes I wish there were like 20 minute long mixes of some of these “perfect songs.”

What else would I consider a “perfect song?” Let’s see… a list of some of them (that I thought up in the car this morning) include:

• Stevie Nicks: Edge of Seventeen
• Any Fleetwood Mac song featuring Christine McVie (i.e., Little Lies)
• The Weather Girls: It’s Raining Men
• Robert Miles: Fable
• Sarah Brightman: Deliver Me

There are lots of others, I just happen to think of these today.

I read somewhere (or maybe I heard it?) that music is completely mathematically related. The vibrations of the strings on the instruments and the meter the song is carried out in, etc. I wonder what the mathematic commonalities between the songs are? If someone could figure that out, it would follow that you could potentially reverse-engineer what makes a “perfect song” and come up with a mathematical formula that you could plug a couple of numbers into and generate a “perfect song” every time. Would that take the artistry out of the song, or would the generation of the song itself be the art?

It’s amazing the stupid shit I find funny.

For example, a long time ago (okay, it was around three years ago, but it seems a lot longer) I saw a skit on Saturday Night Live called “Celebrity Jeopardy” (here’s the transcript) where Norm MacDonald played Burt Reynolds during a Celebrity Jeopardy tournament. Right in the middle of it, he changes the name on his name tag from “Burt Reynolds” to “Turd Ferguson.”

I laughed my ass off. Every time I hear it or even think about it, I can’t stop laughing. I don’t know why - it’s totally random, but it just cracks me up.

Another one that gets me - “Carl the Big Mean Bagpipe Eater” from the John Goodman episode of Muppets Tonight. Right in the middle of the show, this monster comes out, says, “Hi! My name is Carl, and now I’m gonna eat these bagpipes,” stuffs some bagpipes in his mouth, and burps. It’s random. It’s stupid.

I watched that and rewound the video tape and watched it again probably 30 times in a row the night that aired. It just doesn’t get old.

I sort of think it’s the randomness of the thing that cracks me up. But I hate slapstick comedy (the Naked Gun movies are the height of all that is wrong with American cinema) and those are the most random things I can think of. Hmmmm. I suppose I’ll have to puzzle on that and get back to you.