I Don't Understand Fashion

I’m not a high-fashion guy. I don’t get the whole avant-garde fashion thing, I don’t follow trends, and I’m not paying $300 for a shirt. That said, I know what I like, and what I like generally tends towards what I guess could be considered “simple classics.” I generally stick to the Ralph Lauren area in the store because I can’t deal with the unkempt “thug” look they try to sell me in the juniors and I’m not going to wear the golf pants they try to sell me in the “adult” section. I have an even more particular taste with what I find attractive in women’s clothing - IMHO, a simple black dress will beat out some crazy, extravagant number any day. With that in mind…

Jenn and I went shopping at Macy’s on Saturday. I was thinking about getting a new shirt or two and she just wanted to see what’s new for the season. When we walked in, though, I really felt like I was caught in some sort of time warp. It was the 70’s meets the 80’s with a touch of 60’s thrown in for good measure. All of the colors were muted browns, greens, and oranges like you see in pictures from the 70’s. The dresses all looked either like something you’d need to wear gogo boots with or like something that might go great with some stirrup pants underneath. Patterns were big, blocky, and geometric - they gave me a headache just looking at them.

I started feeling like I was listening to an orchestra perpetually tuning up. Everything was dischord and no notes stood out whatsoever. Every color on every garment was flat - not quite red, but not quite orange and not really yellow, either. It seemed like the aim was for a sort of haute couture jazz to emerge from the noise, but I wasn’t hearing it.

In the end, I didn’t find anything I liked (the stock seemed to be sort of between-seasons; I don’t need a bulky sweater, but I’m not looking for an unimpressive standard button-up shirt, either) and Jenn came out with a pair of pants and a dress that look great on her and did their best to separate themselves from the visual onslaught on the racks. Here’s hoping they snap out of it soon.