I said that Traffic Asshole of the Week may occur more often than once a week, and I was dead on. This morning I found another candidate for the title.

I was heading in to work, when I see this guy in an SUV (big surprise there) fly across three lanes of traffic without signaling:

That’s right, all the way from the on ramp to the fast lane, no signal, no pause. He then runs right up on the bumper of the car in front of me and slams on the brakes. Good job there, man.

Then, just as fast as he flew into the fast lane, he flies back across the three lanes of traffic…

… and gets OFF THE FREEWAY!

What, may I ask, was the purpose of that? He wasn’t on the freeway for more than maybe a mile or so; why do all this ridiculous maneuvering?

A perfect candidate for the title Traffic Asshole of the Week.

I got in this morning, all ready to get down to it, if you know what I mean, when I got a call from one of our sales guys saying that there was a problem with this event registration app I have running - a customer tried to register and got an error.

On quick investigation I found that in the new site conversion, a part of this app was overlooked. No biggie, this was a chance to improve the app.

I worked on the update all morning and finally got the functionality done. The last step was to import the existing registration data from the app into the new database. In the meantime, I thought it would be nice to show the guy I know has a vested interest in seeing how the new app works. I sent him a link to the app and said, basically, “Here’s the app. Give it a look. The last step is importing the existing data, which is what I’m working on right now.” Short, to the point, just an FYI.

No problem, right?

Riiiiight.

This guy forwarded the email (intact) to his supervisor, who is pretty high up in the company. The supervisor then forwarded that to something like half the living population of the US. Finally, the supervisor sent me - and copied all of these folks - a note that said, basically, “Hey, that’s great and all, but not all of the data’s in there. We need that data in there!”

No shit, Sherlock. Did you read the email? That part where I said, “I’m working on importing the data now” - that translates into “I’m working on importing the data now.” Just in case that wasn’t clear.

Gotta love people. Sort of leads me to believe that the higher ranking you are, the less literate you become.

Saw a good suggestion from Marty to have a Traffic Asshole of the Week feature, so I’ll start that up and try to keep it going. I usually have no shortage of candidates for the position, so it may be more than once a week. But maybe not. Let’s just try this out and see how she goes, shall we?

The Traffic Asshole of the Week will be anyone who has trouble properly working with their automobile. This could be someone who can’t drive, someone who can’t figure out the rules of the road, or even someone who can’t comprehend the concept of parking.

There were three candidates for Traffic Asshole of the Week just yesterday, so let’s run them down in ascending order.

In third place, and probably in the Traffic Asshole Hall of Fame, are my neighbors, who were, once again, parked in the fire lane and effectively blocking me from my parking spot.

In second place is a guy in a U-Haul truck that I saw on my way home from work yesterday. At the intersection of highways 26 and 217 (for those in the cheap seats, these are two really busy, terrible commuter freeways), there was an SUV parked in the emergency lane with its hood up. U-Haul truck guy, towing a Mercedes behind the truck, decided it would be nice to stop and help SUV guy, so U-Haul guy parks the truck in the fast lane and gets out. As I passed, the U-Haul was sitting there, driver’s door hanging open, with the U-Haul driver talking to the SUV driver. Good job, buddy.

And in first place… I came out of work, ready to go home last evening, when I was greeted with the sight of yet another SUV owner who doesn’t know how to park. Check this shit out:

Hey, doesn’t that look a little close? I thought so, but I figured I’d just sort of squeeze my ass in my door and call it a day. But when I opened my door…

…I found that the guy had actually parked so close that I couldn’t even fit my leg inside. Next time, leave me a fucking can opener, asshole.

This just goes to prove that SUVs are the bane of human existence. Not only are they resource guzzlers, but they are driven by idiots and soccer moms who never go offroad and never actually have to haul anything. (My parents bought his-and-hers Ford Explorers, and they’re well aware of my feelings about that.)

If you’re going to own an SUV, at least learn how to park it. Yes, that may mean you get out of the truck and see that, “Oh, shit, I didn’t park very well.” Get back in the truck and fix it, shithead. “Whoopsie!” and walking into the store (or wherever) doesn’t make it so I can get into my vehicle. Oh, and understand this: Your SUV is not compact, so don’t try to park it in a compact spot. It’s not going to work. Learn to fucking park, or don’t drive the SUV. It’s that simple.

I realize that the whole September 11 attack thing was a really tragic, terrible occurrence. Am I the only one in the world who thinks society would be better served by remembering but moving on? It seems to me that folks seem just a little too emotional about the whole thing.

For example, New York wants to build new stuff on the site of the old World Trade Center twin towers. I think that’s great - a positive action moving forward with a memorial statue or something on the grounds. But there are all these protesters who are concerned with the fact that the new building may not use the same foundation as the old building… What difference does it make? It’s called a new building, not rebuilding the old twin towers. There are limits to my abilities to respect tragedies like this, especially in regards to people who are so emotional they can’t rationally contribute to a positive comeback.

Oh, and (admittedly selfish, but) let me say how tired I am of hearing about it on the news. Seriously. Move on.

As mentioned previously, Jenn’s birthday is coming up. I, as always, ended up ordering stuff from Amazon. Now, usually Amazon is pretty good with their packaging. They throw whatever it is into a plain brown box (porn style, right?) and it’s a mystery what’s inside. Is it your whole order? Half the order? One thing? A bunch of things? Who knows? Knowing that, I figured I’d be okay shipping everything to our apartment. Add a little pre-birthday mystery to the gifts. Imagine my surprise, then, when I see this (which Jenn has pulled in from the doorstep):

Hey, Amazon! Thanks! I wonder what’s in that box?!

Morons.

On my way home from work yesterday I noticed a cop in front of me in an unfamiliar car. On closer inspection, it was a Washington cop. What are Washington cops doing patrolling 20 minutes south of the border? Or is it a joyride? Misappropriation of resources? Hmmm…

I saw that Marty suggested a new potential feature, Traffic Asshole of the Week. I think that’s a pretty keen idea, and no sooner had he recommended it than I had multiple candidates in a day. So I’ll get on that next.

Well, I just rolled out the new Corillian web site and it’s pretty snazzy if I do say so myself. The graphic artist here did the graphics and animation; I implemented that all in code and hooked up the back end stuff. Now it’s cleaner and faster than the last site, and way easier to maintain.

I went home last night and Jenn went to one of her meetings, so I played Playstation until my thumbs started to hurt, which, surprisingly, wasn’t as long as I thought it was going to be. I’m getting better at both Soul Calibur II and Amplitude, though I have to say that at this precise moment I’m more sucked into SC2. Loads of fun.

My boss has requested that I stop sending him emails that have the word “fuck” in them. Heh. That’ll happen.

I printed out the practice test questions for my next Microsoft test and this time it looks like it’s different than the other tests I’ve taken. This is more “here’s a case study, now answer questions about how you’d implement their solution.” That’s going to suck ass when it comes to actual test time because it’s going to be nigh unto impossible to see the case study and the question on the screen at the same time. I don’t even know if the test software will allow you to do that.

Anyway, I’ll be studying that stuff soon.

Once I finish that test, I’ll have an MCSD.NET certification. I’m not sure whether I want to go another two tests and get an MCDBA or not. I’m really, really sick of studying in my free time, and I’m not sure what, if anything, it’ll end up getting me. Here, probably nothing. Maybe it’ll open up doors at other companies. I’ll think about it.

I think I need to put a ShimmerScreen in my house. I don’t know where, but somewhere. These things are cool.

I’m feeling restless today. I have a lot of work to do, but it’s all shit I hate doing (reads: Portal Server). They need to make motivation in a pill form so I can get a prescription for work. I’m having issues, man.

I haven’t found anywhere else that carries the dining room set I want, so I may just end up ordering the set online, even though it’s a little spendy, and call it good. I’m tired of searching around; I’ve found what I want, I just need to get it.

Jenn’s birthday’s coming up on the 16th and I’ve been shopping for stuff, but it’s hard to shop for someone who doesn’t know what they want. I ended up getting a list from her and buying mostly stuff on the list, but I’ve always been of the mind that a good gift is something you want but don’t need, and is probably something you’d never buy yourself but would love to receive. Hard to do that for someone who doesn’t want anything. I think it’ll work out all right.

Man, I realize as I sit here typing that I don’t have jack to say. Like, I mean, aside from the traffic lately just pissing me off (it’s Oregon, people, it rains here… figure out how to drive in it!). Maybe I’ll come up with something better later.

Or maybe not. You never know.