Rototilling Sucks

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Sunday morning Jenn and I went out and worked in the back yard. There’s sort of a drainage issue along the north fence in our back yard, so we needed to widen the flower beds, till up the ground, and plant something in there that can stand living in a bog. To that end, we needed to rent a rototiller, which we got from Home Depot.

I’ve never rototilled anything. I’ve seen it done, and the guy at the store explained how the tiller works, but I’ve never actually personally done it.

Holy shit.

I mean, holy shit.

I’m a desk jockey. Seriously, I sit on my ass all day and the most strenuous it gets is me reaching from the keyboard to my coffee or getting up to walk to the car to go get lunch.

That rototiller damn near killed me. It reminded me a lot of running a garden-oriented jackhammer crossed with holding back an entire dog sled team single-handedly. All we had to do was an 18 foot by four foot section, and it was all I could do to get that done. I am a huge, huge pussy.

It’s worse today. Yesterday I thought I was feeling pretty bad. Today I feel horrible. Everything on me aches. I can barely turn my head. Reaching for my coffee hurts, so I’m just sort of looking at it longingly, hoping to develop telekinetic powers that will get the coffee from my cup into my mouth. I have bruises on my legs, but I’m not sure how I got them. I don’t remember hitting my shins with anything, but the bruises are there and they weren’t there pre-tiller. (What the hell were my shins doing anywhere near that thing? Are the bruises unrelated?) I can’t grip anything, either, because the insides of my arms hurt so bad when I close my hands. Stretching the elastic of my boxers to get them over my fat ass posed a serious threat this morning. I nearly had to call in due to inability to put on pants.

Anyway, I’m dying today, but the flower bed has been widened and tilled, so it’s ready for some plants to go in. Jenn picked some up from the nursery and will be putting those in tonight. Something grassy looking, but I was too tired to ask. Whatever it is, it’d better love water.

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