Okay, here’s another of my million dollar ideas that I had yesterday in the car:

You know how you can go to sex shops and joke gift shops and get that penis-shaped pasta? Well, what do you put on that pasta when you want to eat it?

The Answer: Bearded Clam Sauce

You read it here first, folks. Just get a bunch of cans of prepackaged white clam sauce, slap a new label on (or, better, partner with the manufacturer), and voila! you’re a millionaire.

Jenn told me that if we had the money to throw away, I could hire a full-time personal assistant to follow me around in a French maid outfit. This, my friends, is the key.