We have an extra special Traffic Asshole this week. Even more special
because it wasn’t even me involved. (Which means you’ll have to forgive
details, since I’m sort of filling in the blanks. Also, this is by no
means any legal account of what happened, it’s just what I heard, so
if you’re with the insurance company, this ain’t for you.)
Jenn was on her way home yesterday from work and was going to stop at
the store to return some bottles. Six blocks from the store, she’s
stopped at a light. Behind her, a bus. About a half car length in front
of her, a lady in a Buick.
Sitting at a light. Getting ready to go.
Out of nowhere, the Buick lady throws it into reverse and steps on the
gas. Jenn, stunned, starts honking madly.
Still honking, Jenn gets… uh… front-ended(?). The lady gets out of
the car and asks probably the two stupidest questions I’ve ever heard a
human ask. Again, I wasn’t there, and Jenn answered probably a little
more diplomatically than I would, but let’s re-enact the conversation,
substituting me in for Jenn.
Stupid Lady: I didn’t see you! Where were you?
Me: Behind you, you fucking tard! Where else would I be if you were
backing up and hit me? In front of you?
Stupid Lady: How come you didn’t honk?
Me: How come you were fucking backing up? We’re on a major road
in rush hour, here! Where the hell did you think you were going? And why
didn’t I honk? Are you deaf? My arm’s still sticking through the
window of my car with the horn on full right now. Maybe I should get
the cops to come check this out, not only for my insurance, but so they
can shoot you.
The killer thing is, it hasn’t ended here. Jenn got the lady’s name,
license plate number, and insurance info and came home. Jenn called the
lady’s insurance company, and there’s no policy for the lady. Jenn got
bogus insurance information! What is the world coming to? My insurance
is sky high and she’s driving around handing out bad info?
Let’s go to tape:
Here’s a bit of a side view. You can see the worst of it - the license
plate and frame are now embedded in the bumper and there’s quite a gouge
out of the bumper just to the side of the plate.
Here’s a better look at that gouge.
And a top view of the plate so you can see how messed up it is. Jenn
hasn’t even had her first oil change in that car - the plate used to be
Jenn has since left a message with the lady (we actually did get her
real phone number) and is asking for revised insurance info. Otherwise,
Jenn’s going to have to file an uninsured motorist claim… and that’s
no good at all.