Kool-Aid Man vs. Punchy

food, humor comments edit

Kool Aid Man (4k
image) VS. Punchy (2k

I got a comment from a friend of mine about how Punchy creeps her out, and it made me think that it might be time to have a showdown: Kool-Aid Man vs. Punchy.

Once and for all, it’s time to decide who’s got the better juice.


Kool-Aid Man


  • Has multiple flavors of juice
  • Juice packets are inexpensive
  • Can break though walls, doors, etc.
  • Catch phrase: “Oh Yeah!”
  • High percentage of name / face recognition
  • Can help you dye your hair / clothes / housepets

  • Keen hat
  • Knows how to surf
  • Juice comes premade
  • Juice is good mixer with rum
  • Juice doesn’t separate
  • Catchy name: “Punchy”
  • Best red juice on the market
  • Juice sometimes in 7-11 Big Gulp dispenser


Kool-Aid Man


  • Too fat to ride in car
  • Spills liquid everywhere he goes
  • Always sweating
  • Liar - holds real fruit in his hand when he should be holding powder packets
  • High level of personal property destruction in his wake
  • Juice requires “mixing” and separates if you leave it sitting too long
  • Stupid, generic name: “Kool-Aid Man”

  • Low level of name / face recognition
  • Only one flavor of juice (the best flavor, though)
  • Short - only other job he could do would be work on Fantasy Island looking for De Plane
  • Juice only comes in 64 oz. containers; should come in 5 gallon buckets
  • No catch phrase (“Wouldn’t you like a Hawaiian Punch?” doesn’t count)

You would think that looks pretty even, but if you closely analyze the pros and cons, you’ll see that THE WINNER IS PUNCHY. With his never-beaten red juice, keen hat, and Big Gulp opportunities, it’s not hard to see why. Maybe next time, Kool-Aid Man.