If that's not confusing, I don't know what is.

Anyway, in response to some of the comments made yesterday...

Why don't I go to the social gatherings? A couple of reasons, actually.

First, I am not the socialite. It's more stressful than anything else, and striking up conversations about things with people is nigh unto impossible. In a business setting it's easier - talk business during business hours. Talking business in a social setting is hard for me.

Second, if it's anything like the other SharePoint group gatherings I've been to (the user group, seminars, etc.), it won't offer me anything anyway. I already have a direct line to communicate with the product development group for SharePoint Portal Server through my work connections; they've heard all my gripes and continue to listen. And I'm one of the vastly more advanced users of the product - my implementation is much larger and more convoluted than anyone else I've talked to - so when I talk to peers about the product, I usually get reactions like, "You solved that? I didn't even know it was possible. How did you do it?" Then I end up teaching other people about the product rather than learning something new myself.

An example of that actually occurred very recently. We're working with a contractor to do some SharePoint Portal Server stuff now. Their resume lists several customers that they've done Portal Server stuff for. Part of their introduction was me showing them what we currently have implemented. They were awed - they've never done anything on this scale yet. A lot of the stuff they didn't even know you can do. I have a feeling I'll be doing some teaching once this project gets under way.

Anyway, interactions like that are more value for them than me. So I'll skip it this time. Maybe next time I'll go.

Isn't a week alone heaven for me? Actually, I don't think it'll be too bad in that respect. I might get a little bored since I'm used to interacting with Jenn when I'm home and whatnot, but I'll do all right. I'll call her on the phone or whatever. Plus, no Playstation! I think the biggest downside will be what to do in my off-time. Maybe I'll have to head into downtown Seattle or something and cruise around. Or maybe I'll finally get some decent reading time in. I've been working on The Sum of All Fears since Christmas.

In the splendour of my laziness last night, I deemed it a good idea to throw half a bag of Ore-Ida Onion Rings into the oven and just eat that for dinner.

I've had better ideas.

Along with my onion rings, I thought I'd sit down with the Chinotto I had in the fridge and eat up while watching Buffy. A couple of sips into it, I went back into the kitchen to do a little mixing.

Chinotto is much better with a hefty dose of coconut rum in it.

Buffy was a good episode, with good humor. I like that.

This morning I got in to work and found that there's a Microsoft SharePoint Technologies Developers' Conference going on. Being a Microsoft Partner company, we got a special invite to this thing. It runs April 14 - 18 in Redmond, WA at the Microsoft Campus.

I'm all signed up and set to go.

This is my first business trip out of the local area. I mean, I've been to training a couple of times, but always at a local facility. Conferences, same thing. I've never been out of town for a business trip. Frankly, I'm kind of scared.

See, I have this comfort zone, if you will, which surrounds me with familiarity. I'm not a very social person (you'd never have guessed, right?), so this is a big step for me. An out-of-town trip, by myself, for a week. Yow.

I suppose I'll get by all right. I always have in the past with new stuff. It's a little stressful, but I'll figure it out. Plus, my boss might be going, too, which would make it a little better.

Needless to say, I did not sign up to go to the "group dinner" or any of the other "mingle and network" events. I hate mingling, and the only networking I do happens in a server room. I guess we'll see how that goes.

I did a little research. Apparently, "Chinotto" is a dwarf bitter orange.

I popped open a Chinotto drink just now because I decided it was time.

I just figured out where Sanbittèr gets its primary flavor.

The thing is, Sanbittèr is a very much distilled-down, strong version of Chinotto. I don't mind Chinotto so much (though I'm not going to get any more; I'll stick to Limonata), but Sanbittèr is kind of icky.

After my CompUSA fiasco on Friday, I decided to do two follow-up actions to find a decent beverage for consumption at work.

First, I gave in to the possibility that the other CompUSA in town might actually carry Bawls Guarana. With that in mind, we made the harried trip to Jantzen Beach where the other CompUSA is.

Jantzen Beach was, at one time, a happening shopping district. Near the airport and right next to a major freeway, it's still got a lot of traffic pouring through. Neither the shops nor the City Planner really kept up with the change in the times, though. The whole place is more... industrial... than anything anymore. Huge warehouse style stores rather than any mall of any nature. And the traffic... damn. It's ridiculous how the traffic pushes through there. It's a nightmare.

So I braved the traffic and made it to CompUSA so they could tell me that they do still carry it, but they've had 75 cases on order for a month now and they just aren't showing up. That figures.

Now what? If I can't have Bawls Guarana, what do I need?

The answer lies in San Pellegrino.

Back when I used to have a job in an actual urban center, downtown Portland, my friends and I would frequent a little deli that had some less common beverages to try. During that time, I got totally hooked on San Pellegrino Limonata.

Basically sparkling lemonade, Limonata has this certain something that makes it so I want to drink it all day. It's really good. (Jenn doesn't like it as much as I do, but that's just too bad for her.)

Thus ensued a trip to Cost Plus.

Cost Plus has Limonata for significantly cheaper than any other store locally that stocks it. Seriously, like $1 cheaper per six pack. They also carry other interesting San Pellegrino drinks including Aranciata, Chinotto, and Sanbittèr. The Aranciata and Chinotto at Cost Plus are like $2.50 cheaper per six pack.

I've had Aranciata before, so bought some of that. I had never had Chinotto or Sanbittèr before, so I bought a six pack of the Chinotto. Sanbittér comes in packs of (10) 100mL bottles for $7.99. Not knowing if I liked it or not, I only bought two bottles at $0.80 each.

Sanbittèr is a "non-alcoholic aperitif soda." Being the world traveler that I am, I had to look up what "aperitif" means. Apparently it's an alcoholic drink taken before a meal as an appetizer. Hmmm. Whatever, right? So I pop open one of my tiny bottles of this stuff, take a very small sip...

And I really don't know what to make of it. It doesn't taste like anything I've had before, but I don't think I like it. It's bitter, as the name implies, but it leaves this nasty aftertaste that sort of lingers and makes you a little ill after a while. I'm glad I only bought two bottles of the stuff. I'll leave the other one unopened for show. (If anything, San Pellegrino has style like nothing else.) Regardless, I'm glad I tried it. Always good to try something new.

I haven't yet tried the Chinotto yet. It's described as "sparkling citrus beverage," whatever that's supposed to mean. It's the color that worries me. It's brown. Limonata is yellow-green; Aranciata is orange; Chinotto is brown. I'm not sure what to think of that, but I'll give it a shot anyway.

Thus ends my current search for beverages. I've given up the chase for Bawls. Ordering online is cost-prohibitive (it's the shipping that kills you off) and nowhere locally stocks it in a reliable fashion.

That's okay; I could easily be a San Pellegrino man.

I really should know better than to ever visit CompUSA. I really should.

I have only ever had bad luck at CompUSA. I've purchased a couple of things there, and both times I was the victim of crappy return policies, untrained store personnel, and general incompetence.

I am on the constant lookout for Bawls Guarana beverage. It's good stuff, right up there with a Venti^TM Mocha Frappuccino®. Both beverages put me in a good mood, restoring faith in mankind and actually making me conducive to customer service. Yes, with a little chemical assistance, even I can help people.

The thing is, I know where to get the Frappuccino. Bawls, on the other hand, is nigh unto impossible to find locally.

I went to the Bawls site today and noticed they have a locator to help you find vendors that sell the tasty drink. There are two locations listed for Oregon, both being CompUSA stores.

One of the stores listed is reasonably close to my work. When I say reasonably, what I mean is "I can get there and back during my lunch hour if I drive like a mad bandit and traffic is lighter than it usually is." Hesitant to embark on such a journey without some positive assurance that the beverage not only was carried, but was also in stock and at a reasonable price, I called them to verify.

After navigating through a sizable phone menu system, I got connected with someone who could (supposedly) discuss item pricing and availability with me. That conversation went something like this:

Pedro: Hello, and thank you for calling CompUSA. My name is Pedro [I don't think that was his name, but he had a heavy, uh, Mexican accent which comes into play later] and I will be helping you to determine the pricing and availability for products. Can I please have your zip code?
Me: 97202
Pedro: Okay, that's the Jantzen Beach store. What products are you looking for today?
Me: Actually, I'm interested in products at your Tigard store, over by Washington Square Mall. I can't make it to the Jantzen Beach store.
Pedro: Okay, what products are you looking for?
Me: I'm interested in a drink you might carry.
Pedro: A sink?
Me: No, a drink. Bawls Guarana.
Pedro: Heat sinks?
Me: NO, a drink. You know, like you eat food, you drink water... a drink.
Pedro: A drink? [Shit, man, do you fucking speak fluent English? I'm not mumbling over here...]
Me: Yes, a drink. It's called "Bawls Guarana."
Pedro: Okay... yes, we have it.
Me: You do carry it? Good. Is it in stock?
Pedro: Yes. It's $16.
Me: Is that for a case? I'm sure it's not $16 a bottle.
Pedro: Yes, it's for a case of 12.
Me: Perfect. And that's definitely in stock at the store by Washington Square?
Pedro: Yep.
Me: Great! Thanks.

I hang up the phone with Pedro and I can't say I don't have a bit of an uneasy feeling about the whole thing. I really didn't get the impression that he was clear on what I was asking for, but he did confirm - twice - that the stuff I was looking for was at the store by me. I decided to make the trip.

It took about a half hour to get there. I got in the store, did a cursory check, and I didn't see anything. I then went to a "sales associate" to ask where I could find it.

"Bawls Guarana? We haven't carried that for a while. Sorry."

Mother fuckers! I can't believe this shit. I mean, looking back on it, I guess I should know better than to even try to deal with CompUSA, but I couldn't resist the idea that my beverage was within purchaseable reach.

It's a good thing that guy was behind a counter or I'd have kicked him squarely in the shins.

So, no Bawls Guarana for me. ThinkGeek lets you order cases, but the shipping is a killer and brings the price of the drink up to $2.10 per 10oz. bottle, a little rich for my blood. I guess I'll keep looking.

I have written before about my parents selling my toys out from under me at garage sales when I was a kid. Every once in a while, I look back on the stuff I had and wish I still had it.

Case in point: The silver Pez gun. I used to have a silver Pez gun. I remember it well. It rarely had Pez in it, but it worked and, like most of my toys, it was in damn good shape. This, like many of my other toys of value, was sold out from under me at a garage sale.

"But you weren't playing with it!" cry the parents. No, not at this exact moment, I wasn't. But that doesn't necessarily imply that I've lost interest. I'll get back to it later.

That didn't seem to fly with my parents.

Dad's always been a big fan of "paring down" the stuff we own. Sort of a "less is more" philosophy. I can understand that, as an adult, but even though I understand it, I still don't practice it. I'm haunted by the idea that I'm going to get rid of something and then want to use it a week later. (This applies more to general household items, CDs, games, etc., than it does to straight up junk.)

Anyway, I used to have a silver Pez gun. I wish I still did. I just looked them up on eBay, and for a gun like that, loose (not on the card or with packaging), in good condition (not as good as I had my Pez gun in), you can get between $125 and $200.

I will not even get into how much money my other toys would be worth. I had lots of good stuff. No Star Wars stuff, mind you, but lots of cool stuff.

At least I still have my GI Joes, Transformers, and Legos.

After some recent database-related debacles at work, I once again entered a plea for actual, formal training in SQL Server 2000 administration. I mean, I'm expected to be a DBA half the time, and I really haven't got the first clue what I'm doing. Many times, I just happen to guess things correctly.

Apparently my long-term begging has not been in vain - or maybe my manager is tired of me bitching - because I've been approved for the Administering a Microsoft SQL Server 2000 Database course at SQLSoft. Yay, me!

I just got this company-wide email that there's a surprise party for the guy who just got promoted from President of the company to President and CEO. This gets me to thinking (as I am wont to do)...

Nobody throws parties for me or my group. We're the IT people. If stuff breaks, we hear about it. When things work, someone else gets the credit. Now I get this notice that this guy got promoted from making way-too-much money a year to more-money-than-I'll-see-in-my-lifetime a year, and he gets a party?

This whole thing rubs me the wrong way. I mean, this is like throwing a party for the cast of a successful Broadway production and not inviting the stage hands. You rely on the stage hands and technical crew. If they don't do their job right, the stars of the show look bad and the whole production fails. But who gets the kudos? The asshole on stage who can barely remember his lines.

I suppose I should just accept the fact that I, like most folks out there, am in a totally thankless position. I suppose I should just move on with life. But stuff like this bugs me, like, on a gut level. This guy would be President and CEO of Cardboard Box Land if it wasn't for people like me and my group.

Consider me pissed off.

There was a meeting yesterday afternoon between me and some contractors that are coming to work with us on some stuff at work. This was actually the second meeting, the first being last week.

The first meeting was bullshit. It was twenty minutes worth of information packed into an hour. Most of it was mutual masturbation crap - "It's a great opportunity to work with your company because " and "True, but it will also be good experience for us to work with you because " and so on. I still don't understand all that; it's not fucking international diplomacy or anything. But whatever.

The second meeting, yesterday, was much better. We got to start explaining what we had and where we wanted to go with things.

Where am I going with this meeting conversation? The thing is, during that meeting I finally got to explain to people some of the stuff I do all day long and have them appreciate what exactly it was that I did and how that (in my opinion) so elegantly solved the problem it was directed at. It was nice to be able to do that for once, because I don't normally get a chance to. The stuff I do is invisible; if I do my job right, you'll never know I was there - problems just disappear. Only other problem-solvers can truly appreciate the elegance of a good solution.

After that, I was yearning for some new tunes, so I headed over to the local Wherehouse.

Now, I've heard that several Wherehouse stores are going out of business because the people just aren't coming in to buy records. Let me say this now - the people aren't coming in to buy records because The Wherehouse charges too damn much. I appreciate that they maintain a brick-and-mortar shop so they can't very well lower prices enough to beat online stores, but in many cases I can find albums for which The Wherehouse will charge 50% more than other brick-and-mortar shops. I mean, starting price over there was like $17 for a new CD. That's crazy! I can get that same disc for $12 online, or maybe $14 at some other store. Forget it.

That said, they do have a decent used section, so that's where I headed.

I went in looking for one or more of the following: Michael Jackson - Bad; Michael Jackson - Off The Wall; Soup Dragons - Lovegod; Red Hot Chili Peppers - Blood Sugar Sex Magik.

I did not find any of them.

I ended up coming out of the store with Simply Red - Greatest Hits and Michael Penn - March.

Why those?

Well, Simply Red... I'm not sure. That music sort of evokes a particular mindset for me. For example, you know when you go over to someone's house for a party and everyone's walking around with wine glasses and the entire house is decorated like a Pottery Barn catalog? You ever listen to the music playing on the ultra-high-fidelity low-profile stereo? It's Simply Red. I just felt like picking that up for the bargain price of $8.99.

Most people don't know who Michael Penn is. Besides the fact that he's Sean Penn's younger brother, he put out a song around 1989 called "No Myth" with a chorus that goes:

What if I were Romeo in black jeans
What if I was Heathcliff, it's no myth
Maybe she's just looking for
Someone to dance with

The thing is, I think it was a pretty popular song, but no one ever knows who sang it. Anyway, I found the album that it's on (which is hard to find as it is unless you order it online) and got it for $1.48. Can't beat that. I'm still making my way through the other songs on there, but I figured, even if they all suck, that's $1.48 for a single to a song that rocks. I can handle that.

(By the way, I had to look up who Heathcliff is. Apparently a character from Emily Bronte's Wuthering Heights. Never had to read that, don't think I'm going to now.)

So I got out of The Wherehouse with two albums for a grand total of $10.47. Can't beat that, can ya?

Something I meant to write about last week - a word of warning to the snack lovers out there:

If you eat a sufficient number of Guacachips, your poop will be just shy of lime green.

"The dip's in the chip," indeed.

We have beverage dispensing machines here at work allowing us to freely partake in carbonated caffeinated goodness on a whim. I don't drink as much as I used to because, frankly, I'm getting fucking fat and I don't need the extra calories. That said, I really don't like diet beverages either. They're just not the same.

Either way, I got myself a little bit of Diet Coke a second ago.

Now, when you get stuff out of the dispenser, the drink usually produces a bit of foam on top that dies down to reveal that you didn't fill the cup up as much as you thought you did. Mountain Dew foam is very light green. Root beer foam is a white/brown color.

Diet Coke foam is this shitty dank brown color.

For some reason, that doesn't really entice me to drink up, as it were. Mmmmm. Just one calorie.

A good time was had by all this past weekend... or at least I did. There is nothing better than a three-day weekend. Better still is a three-day weekend when your significant other has to get up early to go to work (or school) so you get the entire bed to yourself and you can sleep diagonal.

Diagonal makes me happy.

Lots of movies were had over the course of the three days.

My Big Fat Greek Wedding was picked up at Costco and enjoyed just as much the second time around. I am looking forward to see what they do with the spin-off show, My Big Fat Greek Life. I hope they can maintain the writing and quirkiness of the whole thing, but somehow I doubt it. There's something in the genuineness (yes, that's a word) that gets lost when a movie gets translated to the small screen. The only exception to that I can think of off hand is Buffy. Let's hope these guys can pull it off.

Simone was decent, too, but really hit home with me on another level. The whole story is that this down-and-out director gets ahold of some computer software that allows him to insert a computer-generated perfect actress into his movies. The story goes about how he dupes the public and they all love her, how he keeps up the appearance that she's real, etc. All in all, a good show.

The thing about that one is that my friend Gerb and I had been having a similar discussion about this a while back. He's trying to get into the film industry and he brought up the idea that we will eventually get to this point where people can invent computer-generated actors and you would stop seeing actual people in movies. His point was that people would always know the difference between a real person on screen and a computerized person and the public would demand real people. I made the counterpoint that you would eventually not even be able to tell just by looking, you'd have to watch the actor's actions to determine his/her nature... but until artificial intelligence is sufficiently developed enough to emulate human behavior (and that's going to be a long time), it's moot - there will always be a real human behind the scenes controlling the computerized actor anyway. Wouldn't that be the same thing? It'd just be like wearing a more complex level of makeup, to a point where you're actually emoting through an entirely different body.

Taking that one step further, that would actually open up the acting field to people who, in real life, don't meet the "standards" for what an actor/actress should look like but who can actually act very well. That might even provide a broader selection of talent to choose from. Wouldn't that be a good thing?

After seeing Simone, I'll have to pick up that debate with him.

We also rented Formula 51, which was a decent if shallow action/gangster film. It was fun, but definitely a rental. I enjoyed Samuel L. Jackson, though I could have done without his bare ass at the end.

So. Valentine's Day (Friday) Jenn and I went to get Chinese food at a local restaurant. After standing in the lobby for 30 minutes, crammed in like a Crayola 48-pack, we got our to-go order and returned home.

Chinese food rocks. I love the deep fried prawns. Lots of deep, extra fried, with a smathering of prawn. It doesn't get much better than that.

While eating our Chinese, we watched My Big Fat Greek Wedding as described above. We also gave each other our gifts. I got her Orchestra level seats for Mamma Mia! when it comes to Portland in July, and she got me a PS2 game that I've been longing for, The Getaway (more on that later). That was Valentine's Day.

Saturday and Sunday not much happened. I stopped in at my comic store to pick up the latest issues of the crap I subscribe to and we cleaned up the apartment a bit. Oh, and I played a lot of The Getaway.

Monday (President's Day) I had the day off while Jenn had to go to school, so I was alone for the first half of the day or thereabouts. During that time, I got to stretch out and sleep in my beloved diagonal position. One would think such things would provide little joy, but when you hang over the edge of the bed regardless of what you do, diagonal is a Good Thing.

Monday afternoon my dad, Jenn, and I all went to see Daredevil. I liked it, but I feel that I'm probably biased because there were a lot of comic book in-jokes that only the people who read the comics will get. My dad and Jenn, neither of whom read the books, also liked it though, so take that for what it's worth. If you liked Spider-Man or Batman, you'll probably like Daredevil. It's got the action and coolness of Spider-Man with the darkness in Batman. Plus, Jennifer Garner.

Anyway, The Getaway. This game rules. It's an accurate scale re-creation of 40 square kilometers of London. Within this world, you play a gangster named Mark Hammond who's child has been kidnapped by a gangster named Charlie Jolson. Your object is to run missions for Jolson while trying to find where he's got your kid.

The game plays like a British gangster movie, a la Lock, Stock and Two Smoking Barrels. They've taken it to the next stage, though, and the whole game is in widescreen, and there are no "gaming indicators" on screen - if you want to know your health level, you look at how badly your character is limping; if you want to know which direction to turn while driving, watch the car's turn signals. That rocks because you're never sucked out of the idea that the thing is a movie. The controls are simple and intuitive, too - there's an "action" button that allows you to crouch, hide, roll, etc., all based on the context the character is in; there's an "attack" button that shoots your gun, pistol whips people, etc. It's all very simple, allowing you to do more complex things without having to remember loads of button combos. And it's not so difficult that you can't beat a mission. You may have to try several times, but it's not impossible the way some games are. I'm loving it. If you have a PS2, check this thing out.

(An interesting item of note - Formula 51 takes place in London, and as I was watching, certain places looked familiar, probably due to my exposure via The Getaway. Or maybe all of Britain looks the same...)

Due to our tendency to atrophy rather than move, Jenn and I have searched long and hard to find a workout solution that not only provides the activity we need, but does so in a fun way that isn't the lame repetition of lifting weights or riding an exercise bike.

To that end we have gotten a couple of those large inflatable yoga balls.

(This may sound familiar; I wrote about it before once.)

Anyway, we got a lower body workout video and an upper body workout video (Jenn picked 'em out; apparently they don't have a single workout that does the whole thing... I suppose you could play them back-to-back, though, and call it a day). We did the lower body workout and I had no issues. It didn't seem too difficult or anything. Then we did the upper body workout.

My armpits are killing me. And that was two days ago.

I'm not sure if the pain is in, like, my pecs, or what, but whatever muscle it is that's in your armpit, that's what's hurting.

It's not like a bad pain; it's an "I'm a big pussy and finally exercised" pain. I assume if I did this sort of thing enough I'd get used to it and actually strengthen up. That's the point, isn't it? I'll keep at it and see what happens.

If we really like it, I think I'll get the DVD version that has all of the workouts on one disc. That'll save time rewinding, too.

The only real problem I have with it is the way the instructor lady is all new-agey and shit. It sort of irritates me that she's telling me to do stuff like "create space within myself" - what the hell is that supposed to mean? I suppose when you're doing yoga stuff that's to be expected. I guess I'll just ignore it.

Well, more "taxes" than "death," but I think the two are roughly equivalent.

Sunday was eventful in the tax realm.

For the last two or three years I've filed both my federal and state income taxes using TurboTax.com. I don't have to pay for the tax software, yet I still get the benefits of filing electronically and using the helpful wizards the software provides.

In prior years, I have normally gotten quite a bit back at the end of the year because I overpaid over the course of that year. Often the amount is between $100 and $500.

Last year, I got about $50 total back. Not great, but at least I didn't owe.

Now, keeping that in mind, I went to the mall this weekend. I thought, hey, I normally get a little something back, so maybe I can treat myself to a prize. I went to Toys R Us and bought the Lord of the Rings version of the game Risk. (I didn't already have a Risk game, and this looked cool.) That cost me $25. I then went to the GameStop store and put $25 down towards the pre-order of a Game Boy Advance SP. (Total purchase price will be $100, but I don't have to cough the rest up until March.)

$50 - that was my limit, and that's what I spent.

This year I owe $336 in taxes.

Okay, so that's not going to bankrupt me or anything, but looking at it very roughly, it looks like I'm getting hit with about a 30% tax rate on my gross income. Maybe a little more or less, but about 30%. Then after contributions to my 401(k) - nothing astronomical, just enough to make it so I won't retire and live in a cardboard box - I net enough to pay the rent, pay off my car and credit card bills, and maybe do something fun once a week or so.

No, I didn't do anything with the stock market - I didn't sell, didn't exercise any stock options. I could probably have filled out the "EZ" form with the amount of stuff going on.

How are people supposed to be able to move up in the world?

I'd eventually like to move out of the apartment and into a house. I can't save a damn dime at the rate the money's flying out the door. I guess that's the poor economy, hitting me square in the ass.

Then I look at the actual amount of money they're taking from me for the federal and state governments. Somehow I don't feel like I'm getting my money's worth. Not to mention the whole Social Security debacle. Let me tell you who's tired of paying Social Security to the wealthy retired people. (People who need the benefits, fine. But my grandparents sure as hell don't need it, and they get a check every month.)

So, anyway, the money's tight and I'm really starting to feel the pressure of that. Jenn and I were hoping to go on vacation somewhere this year, like we went to Vegas last year, but I'm sort of doubting if that's going to happen.

Season hockey tickets next year? Not if they keep raising the prices like they have been.

It's amazing how the cost of living keeps going up yet my salary stays somehow rock-fucking-solid.

I'm in a reasonably good mood today, though I'm not sure why. I've got a dentist appointment later on which makes me irritated just thinking about it, so I won't. Of course, now that I've said out loud that I'm in a good mood, I'm sure it'll disintegrate like that much cotton candy. I can feel it leaving me now.

On the way in to work today, I was thinking about stuff that puts me in a good mood. There are lots of things, but here are a few (...these are a few of my favorite things...):

• Great 80's music (including, but not limited to):
  • The Outfield - Your Love
  • Hall & Oates - Out of Touch
  • Laura Branigan - Self Control
• A stereo with great clarity and better bass
• Alphonse Mucha artwork
• Acquiring new technology
• New CDs and DVDs
• Going to the movies
• Biting my tiny Xev cat (just little ones; she purrs when you bite her... but she purrs when you give her any attention at all)
• Las Vegas

Then I started thinking about things that piss me off, and realized that the list of things that irritate me is much longer than the list of things that make me happy. Stuff that pisses me off to no end (again, including, but not limited to):

• The font MS Comic Sans
• People who just can't figure out how to drive
• People with no bathroom etiquette
• Stupid people
• Improper use (and, more importantly, overt abuse) of apostrophes
• People who tell you they'll be somewhere and then don't show up
• People who are consistently late
• Bumper stickers
• Industrial carpet
• People who, when you send them an email that's high priority and the first line is bold red caps that say PLEASE READ THIS ENTIRE EMAIL, don't read the email and then send you questions about stuff you answered two lines into the note
• Users
• Professional sales people - not retail sales, just the ones you refer to when you say "I'm having a vendor stop in today"

And the list goes on, but that's a decent start.

Saturday Jenn and I went to LaserPort to play laser tag with our friends Jason and Tracy, along with Tracy's sister, Crystal, and her friends Erin and Wayne. At least, I think the guy's name was Wayne. I never really heard it properly.

That was a lot of fun, though I'm way out of shape. My legs are a bit stiff today (yes, two days later) which just further indicates that I need to be in better shape.

Sunday we went to see Shanghai Knights (which was fun, though I think I liked the first one just slightly better). We were supposed to see it with my friend Torin, who decided not to show up. I still don't know where he was or anything, but I can't say I wasn't a bit pissed.

The thing is, like 90% of my friends are like that. They say they'll be somewhere and then they show up really late, if at all. There's always an excuse generally along the lines of "something suddenly came up" or "I was doing something else and lost track of time." You know what? I'm tired of it. I'm tired of being the guy who shows up on time and then has to save seats in the theater for everyone else. I'm tired of being the guy who organizes everything at everyone else's request only to have no one show up.

Here's a little anecdote about that: The last place I worked, FatEarth (a startup that no longer exists), I was there with several people in my general age group and we were all pretty good friends. People would have parties at their houses/apartments, and we'd all get together and go. The whole time, they'd bug me about when I was going to have a party at my place. After enough harping, I agreed to have a party. I figured out when everyone was available, sent out invites, got the drinks and food together, cleaned the place up, and waited for people to show.

No one did. People responded and said they'd be there, but no one showed.

So now I have a new rule - no fucking parties. Hey, if people won't bother showing up - even after they said they would - then I won't bother having parties. Less trouble for me.

Jenn and I talk about that a lot, actually. Who we want to go do stuff with, who's fun to hang out with... then we realize that most of our friends, even if we plan something, won't show up. It's a little disheartening. I mean, sure, there are definitely those who do make it, and we do hang out with those folks. But it's hard to be excited about getting together with someone who can't be counted on to show up on time, if at all.

Hey, great. There goes my good mood.

I was over at Tanya's reading a small nugget about the various IDs she carries and how some could be forged easier than others when I started thinking a bit...

Jenn and I just recently went to go get passports. Now, in the US, for a new passport application you need to bring your driver's license and your birth certificate. To get a driver's license, you need three documents: one "proof of age" and two "proof of identity." At least, that's how it is in Oregon.

The proof of age for your license can be your birth certificate. This can double as one of the proof of identity documents. The other proof of identity could be a company ID card, a medical card, or some other such thing.

The company ID, medical card, or other proof of ID could very easily be forged. I could whip something up on my printer in about 10 minutes for that. Basically, the only thing stopping you would be the birth certificate. They're printed on special paper so you really can't just forge one up.

Fortunately (or unfortunately?), Jenn had somewhere along the lines lost her birth certificate, so she had to go in to get a new one. $15 and a few minutes later, she had a brand-spanking-new one. No one checked any ID or anything on her; she just had to know things like her mom's maiden name and a couple of other things that could pretty easily be obtained by anyone who really exerted the least bit of effort.

Then I started thinking about movies where you see these people going through all this trouble to have passports made and things, and I was thinking, you know, you could get a fake passport a whole lot easier if you actually went through the legal channels. Nobody questions anything, and a few weeks later it gets mailed to your house. One would think there would be more of a background check or something prior to issuing a new birth certificate, but apparently not. Makes you wonder, doesn't it?

You sort of have to read that with The Mamas and Papas in mind.

I'm so glad that it's Friday. This week has been total hell and I'm pretty pleased that it's around eight hours until it's all over. I've got a stack of DVDs sitting on my coffee table at home that have been calling to me, and I think I will sit my fat ass down on the couch and soak up a little of that.

This weekend is looking to be pretty busy. On Saturday Jenn and I are going to go play Laser Tag with our friends Jason and Tracy. Sunday we're going to see Shanghai Knights with my friend Torin. I'm still considering going to that William Gibson book signing downtown, but if I'm in the same mood then as I am now, I'll skip it in favor of taking a break.

I have to interview an intern candidate today. I have interviewed job applicants before, but it's been a while, so I thought about the questions I wanted to ask. We're doing sort of a "panel" interview, where the whole team will interview the person at the same time. What I want to avoid are those questions like "Please describe to me a time where you demonstrated problem solving skills." That's not even really a question, is it? Anyway, those sorts of questions are so utterly uncreative and intimidating that it's hard to think that anyone could give a realistic, decent answer. With questions like that, the entire thing is skewed so the person will respond the way they think you want them to respond.

Instead, I like to go a more creative route. I'll ask the standard "What interests you about the position?" style questions, but I like to see the person's problem solving skills. The two questions I've settled on are: "Why are manhole covers round?" and "How would you determine the number of tires sold in the US last year?"

The manhole cover question actually has an answer. If they know, fine. If not, you get to see them think about why that might be. The tire question is something I stole from my old boss; it's good to see (and hear) the process the person would go through to figure something like that out so that you can get a little insight into the way they would work in a problem solving situation.

I thought about asking more brain-teaser-oriented questions, but looking up brain teasers online yielded mostly math-related questions. I'm not here to test the candidate's math skills; I just want to see their problem solving process.

If I'm up to it, I may go through this mathematical proof that one of my college professors showed us that proves 0 = 1. There's an error in it, and the trick is to see if the person was paying attention and can find where the error lies. It might be a little beyond just a high school level math course, though (I can't remember what sort of math they teach in high school... has it been too long for me?), so I will probably leave that in my bag of tricks for some later time.

I'm not fighting fires anymore at work, which is good, considering that it took me until today to struggle out of the debris of the server crashing around me.

I have learned something through this process: If a computer says anything to the effect of Hardware Error on it, fix the damn thing immediately. Don't put it off and hem and haw around on it. It will screw you in the end.

With the work thing, it's been an overly hectic week so far. I'm feeling stressed out and have adopted an equal-opportunity style of hatred - I hate everyone equally, and a lot. I'm really, really tired and I'm becoming anti-social because I feel like there's always someone else that has some problem that has to be fixed right fucking now and I wish people would just leave me alone with that crap.

It's been suggested that I take a vacation or something. The only thing I get out of a day of vacation is one more day behind in the stuff that I need to get done. With the way we're so short staffed around here, there's no one here that can pick up the slack if I take a day off; everything I have to do actually requires personal attention. Let me tell you how annoying that is.

The spare bedroom is almost cleaned up and sorted out after the Great Storage Closet Move of '03. It's looking much better now that things have been mostly boxed up, but the boxes are all strewn about the room and things need to be stacked up and stuck in the closets around the house where they belong. The living room looks less crowded with one less bookcase in it, that bookcase having been transplanted in the spare room. Hopefully we will be able to cram a chair in that other room, too, which will open up the living room more than I can explain. As it is, I'm enjoying walking about unhindered, not being so closed in by the skinny passageway between the kitchen and the living room.

I had lunch at Carl's Jr. today. I cannot begin to describe the tasty morsel of food which is their Double Western Bacon Cheeseburger.

I'm looking at my phone here at work... the message light is blinking but my phone never rang. How can you get voicemail if no one calls you? This is ridiculous.

I've got this server here at work that's been having some minor hardware problems. I reported the issue to the systems engineer in charge of such things around the seventh of January. It's the third of February and the problem still isn't solved.

The recommended course of action I was told was to swap out the existing hard drives, one by one, to see which of the drives was causing the problem. (For those unfamiliar with RAID, this actually isn't a problem; if you pull a drive out of a machine and put in a new one, the data magically gets restored to the new drive without missing a beat.)

I didn't think this was too big of a deal. I've replaced drives before, and the general idea sounded good if maybe a little kludgy.

I replaced the third of six drives this morning and all hell broke loose. Drives started failing, the computer blue-screened on me (which actually very rarely happens)... dogs and cats living together... mass hysteria.

After about an hour of ohshitohshitohshit style troubleshooting, we got the machine to come back up, but not in a fault-tolerant state. (That is, if something else goes wrong, I'm really screwed.)

Now I'm in the process of migrating all of the data and settings from the broken machine to a new, better one. This was part of a larger plan and I was going to have to do it eventually anyway, but it's a long process that isn't really automated and I was going to test things out and get things working in a reliable fashion first.

From what it looks like now, I'm not getting out of here until after 5:00p. Considering that I wanted to go home early, this isn't good news. Fucking typical.

I was up way too early this morning.

I woke up at 5:39a because I had to pee really bad. Normally I get up at 6:15a, and that left me with two choices: Either I could get up, pee, come back to bed, take 20 minutes to get back to sleep, and basically just get back to sleep before the alarm goes off, leaving me tired all day; or I could get up, pee, and just stay up, get ready for work, go to work early, be tired all day, and go home early. Regardless of the choice, I was going to be tired all day; the thing that tipped the scale was the "go home early" part of the second option, which is the one I ended up choosing.

Normally, leaving my house at 7:00a, it takes me about 30 - 45 minutes to get to work. Today, leaving around 6:15a, I got to work by 6:35a. (I had this craving to listen to Billy Ocean on my way to work today, hence the title of the entry.) That's hella faster, all chalked up to the morons that clog up the freeway during rush hour.

Speaking of rush hour and driving and such, Jenn and I went to the Portland Auto Show this weekend. Never having been to an auto show before, I was pleasantly surprised at some of the cool things they had. I admit I was hoping to see more in the way of future/concept cars (there really weren't any), but they did have lots of other stuff. Just about every model from every manufacturer was on the floor, and that was neat to see.

We spent more than our fair share of time at the MINI booth. I've always had a penchant for small, fun cars and the MINI Cooper has been one of my favorites for a long time. Their return to the US after 30 years of absence is a welcome one, and had I not already bought my car, I'd be looking at buying a MINI. Jenn wasn't as hot on them as I was before the show, but after seeing one in person and getting a chance to sit in it, she's hooked, too.

Money, of course, is a whole separate issue entirely.

The MINI ad campaign centers around the concept of motoring, which seems to be a Zen-style approach to driving where regardless of where you are, as long as you're in your car you should feel like you're in Nirvana. I thought about adopting this philosophy in my driving as it would probably be more stress-free, but then I realized that I hate stupid people and feel this intrinsic need to punish idiocy (i.e., if you can't figure out how to merge properly, you don't get in on the freeway), and that affects my driving much more than some ad campaign ever could, so that was a wash.

I bought a lottery ticket for this past Saturday's Powerball drawing. I took the ticket in on Sunday to scan it at one of those machines that tells you if you won or not. It went something like this:

INT - FRED MEYER STORE - DAY

Travis, 26, ENTERs the store and strides confidently to the lottery scanning machine. He wonders what he will do with the millions of dollars that are going to soon be entering his pockets when he discovers he is the winner.

Arriving at the lottery scanning machine, he pulls the ticket out of his wallet and runs it under the scanner.

TRAVIS
Oh, yeah. Moneymoneymoneymoneymoney! Here we go...

Travis scans the ticket in the machine. The machine does nothing.

TRAVIS [grumbling]
Okay, come on now. Scan me, baby.

Travis scans the ticket again. Again, nothing happens. Travis wags the ticket furiously under the scanning mechanism and finally the ticket machine responds with a message on its screen that somehow is heard as a very loud robot voice, almost as though on the PA system of the store.

SCANNING MACHINE
You are a fucking loser. Next time you should just light your money on fire. If you feel up to it, please come back next week so your hopes can be trampled again. Thank you.

TRAVIS [yelling]
God dammit, machine! I hate you! I hate you!

Travis EXITs the store at a fast walk, obviously irritated at the outcome of the scanning operation.

Okay, maybe that's not exactly how it went, but it was damn close to that.

What the hell else did I do this weekend?

Oh, yeah - we got a lot more done in the way of moving things out of the apartment and into the storage closet. After making a run doing that, we went to Home Depot to pick up some supplies for installing a new shelf in our closet and fixing up an old chair we have. Got all that stuff home, worked some more on boxing things up and organizing it all... good stuff. I think my hockey friend, Jerry, summed it up best: Five pounds of shit in a two pound bag. Now that the cleaning effort is nearing completion, I might say it's closer to four pounds of shit in a two pound bag. Better, but still not ideal.

Jerry is a total crack-up. Every time I talk to him, I find out new weird crap about him. This weekend I found out he has eight cars, two boats, and a trailer; he's lived in the same house since 1968 (which is how the "five pounds of shit in a two pound bag" reference came up); he signed up for the Army in an effort to avoid getting drafted (apparently you have more say of where you're stationed or something if you sign up instead of getting drafted?); and during the 70's in the whole "return to Africa" movement (with the Black Panthers and all that), he was stationed in Libya, which was apparently where they sent all the African-American soldiers who refused to work well with others due to that movement. He was telling me about how there were stabbings and shootings and things on the Army base because of all the trouble going on. This guy seems to have done everything.

Watched the Hawks win one and lose one this weekend. They say they may still be contenders to go to the playoffs, but... well, I don't have a lot of faith. Maybe they'll get lucky or something.

I cleaned the grill on Sunday. That was probably the messiest thing I've done in a long time. I ended up using car engine degreaser to get the crap off the grid. My hands smelled like degreaser for a couple of hours after that.