Today is not going to be a good day.

I got to work after my allergy shot appointment (for which the nurse was late) to find that several things had gone amiss in the 15 hours since I'd last been here.

First, we're working on an automated approach to rolling out Office XP to the users here. I'm participating in the test rollout, being part of the CIT team and all. Basically, they configure some things on the network and when you reboot your computer you get Office XP automatically installed. Well, apparently, Access 2002 breaks certain apps that a few people use so last night the Office XP team here (a team of like two people) started experimenting with figuring out how to install some machines with Office XP complete and some with a subset of Office XP, minus Access.

When I turned on my computers this morning, Office XP (which was already installed) was uninstalled and then reinstalled for me. Automatically. Thanks. Because that won't screw anything else on my machine up.

Next, I opened up my email box to find several beauties. One email from Microsoft Support told me that this gigantic program I had written basically needs to be reengineered - almost rewritten from the ground up. Apparently they'd rather have me do a shitload of work than fix the problem on their end. Fine. Another email from Microsoft Security Services alerted me to a bunch of IIS patches I have to roll out ASAP, which, of course, means I need to test them on my test machine, then fill out the change control forms on the servers that need the patch, then roll out the patch, etc., etc. What a pain in the ass, and just what I wanted to do today. There were also three new help desk cases assigned to me because users here don't seem to know how to use the web, even though we're a web software company. It never ceases to amaze me.

Finally, while I was figuring out all the stuff I have going and pending, I realized that I'm the major bottleneck on almost all of the projects I'm on because I've got too many damn irons in the fire (so to speak). No stress there, baby.

I did try using the voice recorder feature on my iPaq during the ride home last night, though, so I'll put the thoughts I came up with here, in the order I came up with them. Honestly, I don't remember a single one, so I'll be just as surprised at them as you are. Here we go...

Transcription software. I need to look into getting transcription software for my iPaq, if such a thing exists. This would make the writing of the blog way easier, assuming the software was any good.

My mind is going, and I really can't remember what I did yesterday (or even last week), so maybe the blog is spoiling me. While talking to my friend Liz at lunch yesterday, she asked me what's been going on with me. I was like, "Haven't you read my blog? I post all the good stuff there." And she was all, "No. Can't you just tell me?" That's when I realized that I don't remember what's been going on. I write it down here so I don't have to remember. I've never been very good at remembering chronologically-related things (dates, times, happenings), so maybe that's just my nature. Then again, I'm wondering if I'm not even trying to remember because I have it written down right here.

Cheap American toys and the lack of quality. I bought a small die-cast metal car yesterday in the shape of a 2002 Acura RSX Type-S (the car I drive). It had this ridiculous spoiler on the back that was almost the size of the car, and while I was contemplating what to do about that, it came off in my hand. I didn't even apply any pressure to it - it just broke. Where's the quality anymore? I remember a time when you could take a 20-pound sledgehammer to a Matchbox car and it'd break your sledgehammer. Damn.

If I can't remember things now, how will I even remember to listen to these recordings? This was sort of a disjointed thought that sprung from the above My mind is going... thought. Basically, I'll forget I even recorded stuff on my iPaq to listen to later. That's pretty sad.

Bizarre Love Triangle is one of the best songs ever. I was listening to the New Order album Substance in the car. I think the statement speaks for itself.

I wonder if I aspire to speak like Jay and Silent Bob? For those who have seen any of the View Askew films... I sometimes come up with shit that even I don't know where it came from. I think subconsciously, I try to be like the characters from, say, Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back.

I think my blog is a lot like the TV show Seinfeld - it's a blog about nothing. I'm thinking that's true. I read back on some of the stuff, and it reads like a bad episode of Seinfeld - nothing happens to me, yet I write about it anyway.

Driving my car at night reminds me of the SR-71 Blackbird spy jet. The inside and the outside of my car are both black, so you don't see anything in the car that isn't lit up. When you turn the lights on, the gauges all light up red. And I don't mean the whole back of the thing - only the letters, numbers, and other markings light up. I dig it.

I always appreciate those people who want to drive extra safely and go 15 mph in a 25 mph zone. Because you know that the extra 10 mph is just killing them. Ice cream trucks go at least 30 mph. Get a move-on, people.

There you have it. The latest thoughts, as they happened.

I read this back and wonder if that tape recorder I so desperately need is such a good idea after all.

We were strapped for dinner ideas last night so we broke out my mom's recipe for tater tot casserole (or, as I have come to call it, Casserole du Tot).

It was actually pretty decent, all things considered. Jenn claims it was her first ever casserole creation experience, and I think it was mine, too. I've eaten various casseroles before, but never have I made one.

This one happened to make like 20 pounds of casserole, though, so I have a feeling it's leftovers for another week or so. I mean, it calls for a two pound bag of tater tots. That's a big-a casserole-a.

Something I forgot to mention yesterday: On Monday night, Jenn and I attempted to go to the sneak preview of I-Spy. I was pretty psyched about seeing it, and I think Jenn was pretty excited, too. But I say "attempted to go" because that's all it was - an attempt.

Here's how it went down: I signed up for a contest to get a free movie pass to see the movie. I got the pass. Jenn and I met up at home around 6:00p and we were downtown, parked (for $5, no less, because God forbid they have the preview at a theater with a parking lot; of course, my logic was that the movie was free, so $5 for parking was no biggie), and in the theater by 6:15p. The movie was set to start at 7:00p.

We got in line and there were, oh, 100 people in line, give or take, when we got there. That's not bad; the theater probably seats 300 or so, I think. I've been to loads of these previews and that's not uncommon to see that many people there. So we got in line and a few minutes later the line starts moving. They let like five people in, then say, "Sorry! The theater's full!" What?! You let five fucking people in. It's not full.

But it is full.

Turns out, the place that I got the tickets from thought they had the whole preview to themselves, so they gave away enough tickets to fill the seats. But another place was giving away tickets, too - and enough to fill the seats. So only half the people who got tickets were able to get in.

I understand they "slightly overbook the theater" to "ensure a good turnout," but that's ridiculous. Especially when the place I got the tickets from only wanted to know one thing about you - "Are you definitely going to be able to make it?" I made it, and I got screwed.

In the end, Jenn and I went to Starbucks and I got me a Venti^tm Mocha Frappuccino®. So it wasn't a total loss, but I was admittedly a little peeved.

Bitches, man. Bitches.

Looks like Dita von Teese has a website -- www.dita.net. Members area, guest area, and an online store with lots of actually quite stylish photos. I'm impressed.

I will admit that random thoughts cross my mind when I'm in the car.

For example, today I was driving along, listening to my Police: Live album, and one of the songs (I don't remember which) had a pan flute going in the background. The first thought in my head when I heard that was not "hey, that's nice and relaxing," nor was it "wow, that sounds like Men At Work."

It was: I wonder what ever happened to Zamfir?

I remember being bombarded by Zamfir, Master of the Pan Flute advertisements while sitting on the green shag carpet of my grandparents' house, watching the Magnavox console TV (remember those?) and eating Cheetos. (That was around the same time that Roger Whittaker was huge, and I can still visualize the back-to-back call-this-1-800-number-now commercials.)

My grandmother on my mom's side was still alive back then and she'd let us pick the pennies out of her change bowl to keep. I can still see her sitting, smoking, at the kitchen table in their old house. Always smoking. That's actually what did her in, in the end.

Whoa, flashback there.

Anyway, Zamfir. What happened to the guy? Was there just no more demand for pan flute music? Was there ever a demand for pan flute music, or was it this manufactured market that he catered to? Like somehow he convinced these record companies that there'd be this huge run on pan flautists so they'd best snatch him up and make some albums.

By the time I had gotten this far in the thought process, I was at my allergy shot appointment so I dropped it.

If anyone out there ever bought or listened to a Zamfir album, drop me a comment.

I thought about this the other day when Jenn and I were shopping in the perfume section of Nordstrom...

People make associations in their brains. Like the way people remember the words to a song based on how the song sounds - the rhythm, the melody, etc. In some cases, people use songs and rap as a sort of mnemonic device to help themselves remember stuff. A popular example of this is the Schoolhouse Rock series. Hey, that's how I learned the preamble to the Constitution.

It's also pretty well known that people can remember thousands of different scents. Who doesn't know the smell of chocolate or coffee?

So what if people started exploiting the ability to remember smells and exercise that to help in remembering things? I'm not sure how that would work exactly, but the ability to do something like, "Hmmm... spearmint. That reminds me that the Wright brothers made the first airplane." Or something like that.

I think scratch-and-sniff stickers would become popular again. People in classes would start carrying around these huge sticker notebooks and be madly scratching at stickers during tests. Schools would have to start pumping out a sort of smell neutralizer to stop kids from cheating.

Might be interesting.

I will be the first to admit that there are three things out there that just get me: Corsets, stockings, and boots - in that order. There is nothing sexier than a woman in a classy, tightly laced corset. Nothing. A good close second is a nice set of stockings - with or without garter belt (preferably with). Barring those two things, a stylish pair of boots is unbelieveable.

Hawks get trounced by Spokane. The score wasn't terrible (3-2), but the play was shameful.

Saturday was spent running errands. First thing in the morning we went to a pancake breakfast at the local Masonic lodge (sidetrack: the word lodge makes me think of a log cabin up in the woods... I wonder why...) and stuffed ourselves on some pretty decent pancakes. After that, we went home and cleaned up around the place, which was starting to look pretty terrible. Then Jenn left to go do some stuff and I went grocery shopping at both Safeway and Trader Joe's. Got some good stuff, but that took a long time. Finally, Saturday night found us watching the Hawks rally to beat Tri-Cities. (A much better game, I thought.)

Sunday was a very lazy day indeed. I went to my parents' house and found that Mom hadn't touched my Halloween costume so we finished it up.

Went to Fred Meyer and picked up a Swiffer WetJet mop because the cats are becoming increasingly messy. I've attempted to explain to them that the food should either be in the bowl or in their mouths, but they don't mind me. It seems to be a game for them - pick up the food, drop it on the floor, watch me get pissed off, then eat the food. Bad, bad kitties.

And now I'm at work. The weekend was not nearly long enough and I'm still tired. I will eventually take a week of PTO so I can get my Xev cat declawed and fixed and so I can play a bit of GTA: VC. Somehow I don't think that I'll be as rested after that week as I'd like, but we can always hope.

I added one more category to the list of paraesthesia entries: New Science. These articles are the theories I have on why stuff does what it does. My favorite thus far (hey, there are only two right now) is my Theory of Indefinite Commute. I worked for a long time on that one.

each household appliance is like a new science

Jenn and I will be going to a sneak preview of I-Spy tonight. I didn't know it used to be a TV show, but I suppose that shows how into pop culture I am; my references start in the early eighties and end in around 2000.

Seems that Star Wars Episode 2: Attack of the Clones will be coming to the OMNIMAX theater at OMSI. I'll have to look into going.

I'm sure all of you get porn spam just like everyone else.

Or maybe it's just me getting the porn spam.

Anyway, I just got what I think is the best porn spam yet:

Ever see a $1 COKE WHORE? Now is your chance. Click HERE.

(Obviously, I removed the link so folks won't actually go there, and no, I didn't go there, either. I just thought the message was funny.)

There are three kinds of perfume in the world: hot and sexy; mild and demure; and overwhelmingly terrible.

Jenn wears a perfume that is classified by me in the "hot and sexy" category. Some folks might consider it "mild and demure." Grandmothers unfailingly pick the "overwhelmingly terrible" category. Salespeople usually do, too. (Note that in perfume, "more" is not always "better.")

My cubicle sits adjacent to the local meeting area. We don't have a conference room in our general location, it's more of an open air affair - a table with a bunch of chairs. Convenient when I have a meeting to attend; decidedly inconvenient when I'm trying to work and there's a meeting going on.

There's a meeting going on right now, I don't know who with, but there's a lady over there with perfume on in the overwhelmingly terrible category. I don't know what it is, but it's giving me a migraine. I actually think I may complain to the boss over this one.

Once he gets out of that meeting, that is.

I added a new feature to the ol' bloggeroo, here. If you look off to the left in the navigation column, I've put two more links: "Reviews" and "What If?"

The Reviews link will (should) get you to my reviews of movies and such. The What If? link should get you to my more random "What if the world was like..." style articles. Like my People Pellets article.

I'm hoping to make both of those sorts of items more frequently, so I've added faster access to them.

The crappy thing is, Greymatter doesn't support categories. Yeah, I should probably shut up because it's free and all, and I don't have access to a database, so I can't use Movable Type or anything, but regardless, Greymatter doesn't support categories. What that means is that I "categorize" my articles by the contents of the title: "Reviews" articles start with "Review: " and "What If" articles start with "What If?"

What that further means is that I've exploited the search feature of Greymatter to search for articles that contain that text, so if you get improper results from the new links, that's probably why.

If they don't work, let me know; I only tested this thing in IE6 because, well, that's what I use and I didn't want to install Netscape. I used to have Netscape AND IE6 on the same box, but that machine crashed a while ago, so... yeah.

Okay, so everyone knows about owl pellets, right? Owls can't digest all the stuff from their prey (bones, hair, etc.) and since they eat their prey whole, that stuff has to go somewhere - enter owl pellets.

So I thought about this - what if there were people pellets? Take that a step further, what if people excreted/coughed-up/disgorged pellets rather than pooping? Think about how much easier that is. You'd still probably have to use the restroom for liquid waste, but for solid waste, you could just chuck your pellet into the trash can.

I suppose there'd be two possibilities for the pellet - either it gets coughed up (like owls) or it comes out the other end. If you cough it up, just spit it out... but if you poop it out, you'd have to "go digging" to get it, then throw it out. Either way, assuming the pellets are clean (like owl pellets), loads of sanitary issues would be solved. Gotta take a dump? Do it. Then just throw your pellet out.

There'd be pellet disposal containers in bathrooms. Under desks. In your living room. Built into your favorite easy chair.

I told Jenn about this, and she was like, "Wouldn't people be disgusted by other peoples' pellets?" I don't think so. You have to consider, if there were such thing as people pellets, that's how it always would have been. People wouldn't know any better - that'd be just how it is.

I think that'd be kind of cool. No more messy wiping. No more stinky bathroom. Pellet. Done.

Pizza delivery may not be lucrative, but it's one of the ten best jobs available. If you think there's something out there that nobody's done, you're wrong. "More" is not necessarily "better." The drapes don't always have to match the carpet. Any innocent sentence can be twisted into sexual innuendo. They teach more than they let on in Catholic all-girls schools. My medical insurance doesn't cover the right kind of sponge baths. Some women actually do like sex. "Sexual Healing" is a legitimate thing. The boobs are always bigger on the other side of the fence (or something like that). Anybody can make a web site - anybody. Regardless of what you're into, there's always someone into something weirder. If variety is the spice of life, the Internet is very spicy. Skin stretches. I don't have enough drive space. The guy who invented the pop-up advertisement needs to be shot. Be proud of what you look like - cosmetic surgery doesn't always improve things.

I am holding in my hot little hands two (2) tickets to American Idol - Live! I'll be sitting in the company box in the Rose Garden on November 19 watching the top ten finalists. Stoked.

This weekend was okay.

Friday night a couple of our friends, Aaron and Melissa, came over for dinner and a movie. We ended up cooking random stuff on the grill and then watching the Superbit edition of The Fifth Element.

Tiny sidetrack: The idea behind Superbit DVDs is that the extra stuff - the commentary, the behind the scenes documentaries, etc. - isn't there. Instead, that extra disc space is used to allow for a much higher quality digital transfer of the film. The picture is clearer, the sound is cleaner. Before, I didn't notice the picture on this sort of thing because my TV didn't really justify it. With the new TV, it's a very noticeable difference. I look forward to getting more of the Superbit series.

So that was Friday night. Pretty fun, and it was good to see them again. We don't get together often enough.

Saturday we were going to head west and visit my friend Jack at the Tillamook Cheese factory. The problem is, I think there's a bit of a communication gap between me and Jack.

See, Jack likes to call people. He likes to resove issues over the telephone. I think he specifically doesn't email people because he'd rather resolve things verbally over the phone.

I don't call people. I hate the goddamn phone. I might be your best friend, but I really don't have anything to say to you over the phone. The phone, to me, seems like a halfway sort of thing - if you have something quick, fine, call me; if you wanna talk, get your ass over here. Instead, I email people. I like to be able to read what I'm saying, process it, amend it, make sure it's right, and send it. I like to be able to read what people have to say to me and verify that I understood it. When it's over the phone, all bets are off. Maybe I misheard what you were saying. Maybe I agreed to something and forgot. You know why? Because I'm a very visually oriented. If I didn't see it written anywhere, I'm not going to remember it.

That's actually what I'm waxing philosophic over today. Communications differences in people. Some folks love personal interaction. I fucking hate people. Sure, you could pull out the "but I'm your friend! do you hate me?" thing. Understand that this is a generalization. I don't hate any individual person necessarily; I hate people en masse. I especially hate personal interaction (and yes, that probably does apply to you.) I like the idea of large gatherings, but I hate people. I like to go to parties with people that I know, but I hate going to parties where I have to "mingle" and "meet people." That seems so impersonal. I don't want to meet people.

That makes me wonder - is it a sign of the times that some folks get to be more comfortable with the distance that electronic interaction puts between themselves and others? I think someone at Portland State University was doing a study about that a while ago; I wonder what the findings were.

Regardless, Saturday we didn't end up visiting Jack. (Sorry, Jack. Email me.) Instead, we finished things up around the house that don't normally get done, went shopping, did chores.

Jenn got this perfume called Angel that is just the bomb. Interesting story about that: I was at work on Friday and the HR lady here was in the cube next to mine and I could smell her perfume. I liked it; it reminded me of something I can't quite put my finger on, but it was good. I asked her what it was - Angel. So I told Jenn to stop at the store on her way home from school and smell it. She didn't get a chance to do that. Then Friday night, Aaron and Melissa showed up at our place and Melissa had Angel on. Weird, huh? Anyway, Jenn got herself some Angel (yummy!) and now she smells like heaven.

Sunday I tried to finish fixing my ninja costume for Halloween, but Jenn's mom's sewing machine sucks ass and decided it would rather try to eat my fabric than actually function. I've tried using that POS before, and it does this same thing every time. It seems to work for Jenn's mom, but Jenn's mom ain't here so it just chows my fabric. I'll just have to go use my mom's fully operational, non-fabric-eating sewing machine.

Sunday evening we went and watched the Hawks break their three-game losing streak and win against Tri-Cities. I was scared for a while, there, but we pulled through in the end.

Before I start this, let me say that I am not a coffee drinker. I probably have one cup every two weeks or so, just because I need that caffeine boost and the sugar in cola-flavored-beverages usually sort of bogs me down.

Today I need to do some serious programming, and the only thing that makes me have a decent time with that is if I'm wide awake - enter the caffeine.

I went to get a cup of coffee this morning, and... the pot was empty. I looked in, and it seemed that I was the first person to try to get coffee because the pot was clean from the night before. Fine. I put everything together and brewed a pot of coffee. When it was done, I got a cup.

I went back out an hour later and the fucking pot was empty again. God forbid anyone else make a pot of coffee but me, the non-coffee-drinker.

I'm thinking I should rig the pots up with some sort of a scale and a digital camera apparatus so that when the pot of coffee reaches a weight approximating "empty," the camera will take a picture and send it to me so I can bust the asshole that's not making coffee.

Then again, not everyone knows how to make a pot of coffee. One time I looked in the pot and thought I was getting tea, when it turns out some people are just idiots. Yes, those pictures are real. Unbelieveable.

This sort of reminds me of that movie City Slickers when Billy Crystal's character, Mitch, is talking to Jack Palance's character, Curly:

Mitch: Killed anyone today, Curly?

Curly: Day ain't over yet.

My bad day today actually started yesterday when our email server went down due to some funky computer policy crap that went on. That part wasn't my problem, but the fact that I formatted and reinstalled everything on my desktop computer on the very day when all the network trauma was going on means that I only had problem after problem getting things to work properly.

My bad day continued today, when all sorts of crap went on. Jenn sometimes pings me during the day via email to see how my day is going. I figured I'd let you all in on the email today so you can see what goes on backstage, as it were.

Fuck my day. Fuck it up its stupid ass. Everything has gone wrong today. My extranet server won't send notifications to people when it's supposed to. I don't know why; had to open a support call for that. Another of my support calls came back and told me that, basically, I have a lot of work to do in order to rewrite this program I'm working on and make it work properly. I gotta have that in to those guys ASAP so they can continue their work. I've got people showing up asking for tutorials on how to do really simple shit and people so anxious for the intranet to roll out that they're riding my back for it even though I told them it's not going to be ready for at least A MONTH. I've got shit to update on some forms that need to go production on our extranet site (the same site that's all fucked up with the subscription notifications thing) but have to play police and ride people for input on them, even though the forms are THEIRS. I have to fight Microsoft Support to give me files that they say on their web site all you have to do is ask for - now they want me to justify WHY. Everything I'm working on is priority one, and nothing is getting done because I can't finish one thing before starting another.

So, there you have it. I've been running around today sort of in this Age Affected Attention Deficit Disorder haze, doing lots of stuff but getting nothing done.

My baby, however, has gotten some rather high marks on the latest unit in her Pharmacy Technician training program - 96%! That's pretty good, if I do say so myself. I am very proud.

Another positive item of note: My friend Gerb found this web site that reminded him of me. I read it, and it reminded me of me. I couldn't have written it up better myself. What do you think?

There is not enough time in the day to do all the things I have to get done.

That, coupled with my distinct lack of patience, has me pretty much topped-out as far as activity is concerned. It may not look like I'm doing a lot, but I'm about ready to have a cardiac from the stress.

The weekend... where to begin?

Friday night, my dad and I went to see The Transporter, and liked it. I wrote up a review a little bit ago and posted it, so check that out.

After the movie, my dad came back to my place and we watched three of the first four episodes to Push, Nevada that he had recorded. I caught a few of the clues while watching, but after checking out the enochonline web site, it seems the game is much bigger than I am. There's money to be won, and someone will win it. In the meantime, I enjoyed the show - it was very David Lynch - and I hope ABC doesn't kill it by putting it opposite CSI on Thursday nights.

Saturday was a day of getting things done, and Saturday night Jenn and I watched Seattle destroy the Hawks, three to nothing. It was a terrible beating, and I am disappointed in the Hawks for the distinct lack of playing hockey that was displayed.

I also received my ninja costume from Karate-Mart. Heh. I bought an extra-large, figuring it would accommodate a 6'2" guy - after all, the site says it will fit someone over 6'3". Not so. The pants fit more like skin-tight culottes and the shirt made me look like an organ grinder monkey. I've packed the thing up and sent it back via UPS as of today, but I was thinking about this...

It cost me $9.90 to ship the $30 uniform and a $6 fake sword. Let's assume, for the sake of argument, that the wooden sword cost $4.90 to ship. That means the uniform cost a total of $35. Well, to ship it back, it cost me $8.90 because they request you ship things via UPS, RPS, or some other insured shipping method, and that's the UPS charge. They also charge you a 15% restocking fee - in my case, that's $4.50. So that means it cost me ($5 original shipping + $8.90 return shipping + $4.50 restocking fee) a total of $18.40 to try on a costume that didn't fit. Web shopping is not all it's cracked up to be, at least when clothing is involved. Now you know why brick-and-mortar stores will never go out of style.

Jenn got her costume on Saturday at Party City. Mary Katherine Gallagher from Saturday Night Live. It's a good costume, too.

Oh, and Jenn got some new jeans at The Gap. Normally I wouldn't mention something so mundane, but there was a bit of a production involved with getting the jeans.

Jenn's used to wearing the "reverse" cut jeans. I'm not even sure what that means - how do you reverse fit a pair of jeans? Anyway, that's the kind she wears. Or, should I say, "wore," because they don't make that kind anymore? Which means that Jenn had to find a new cut of jeans to wear.

So we went into The Gap and she grabbed a pair of the "classic" jeans off the rack and starts walking to the counter. I'm all, "Hey, aren't you going to try them on? How do you know they'll fit?"

"They'll fit," she said.

I wasn't so sure. "Why don't you try them on so we don't have to come back and return them?" After a bit of prodding, she went into the dressing room and tried them on. A few minutes later, she came out.

"I hate you because you're always right." Yeah, that's what I thought. They didn't fit.

She put the pants back, and the sales lady came over and asked if we needed help. "No," said Jenn. "Yes," said I, "we do. She used to wear the 'reverse' jeans but, of course, you don't carry those anymore. What do you have now?" The sales lady gave us the ins and outs of the 300,000 different cuts of jeans that The Gap carries (none of which fit me) and then told Jenn to try the "boot cut" kind.

Jenn, of course, refused.

After more prodding, she took the pants into the dressing room and tried them on. You know what?

They fit just fine. Plus, they look really good. Hella better than those reverse-cut sons-of-bitches. This new pair of jeans has, oh, I don't know... personality. I like 'em. Jenn's still getting used to them, but I think she'll come around. (We did end up buying the boot cut pair. I couldn't resist rubbing in how right I was for the rest of the day, either.)

Sunday I went to the Portland Comic Convention and picked up several card sets and back issues that I had been looking for. I spent way too much money, but such is the way of things. I was going to buy that stuff anyway, so I might as well just get it over with.

After that, I went to the local sporting goods store and picked up some sweat pants and a hooded sweatshirt that I will magically transform into a new ninja costume. Hey, I liked the sword and wanted to do something with it. Besides, I can wear the sweats other places than just a costume party. Good enough, then.

So now it's Monday and I found out a little while ago that I need to rebuild my desktop workstation because something weird is going on with .NET application debugging. Not that I mind too much - the machine has been running for a long time without a rebuild - but it's a time consumer that I didn't want to have to deal with just now. Oh well, such is life.

The Transporter, frankly, rocked.

I'm not sure there's much more to say on the matter than that.

For those who don't already know, The Transporter is an action film about a guy, Frank Martin (played by Jason Statham)who used to be in the military (what action hero wasn't in the special forces?) but now has resorted to a life of crime. He transports packages - of any nature - from one place to another, no questions asked, guaranteed delivery.

This doesn't sound like the guy is too high up on the criminal ladder, does it? I mean, the guy's basically a high-priced mule. You know what? That doesn't matter. From the second you start watching this movie, it's got you sucked in. I mean, the first five minutes is all action. Like the first chapter of a good book, they've got you hooked and wanting more.

Anyway, one day Frank Martin gets a request to deliver a package. Except this time, the package makes a lot of noise... so he breaks his own rule and opens the package. It's a Chinese girl, Lai, played by Qi Shu. From there, he gets mixed up in... well, I won't tell you. Just go see for yourself.

Jason Statham is definitely on my list of badass action stars. He has more of a gritty street vibe than most action stars, and a more understated presence; you wouldn't expect this guy to kick your ass, but by the time you've thought about it, you've already been beaten. I look forward to seeing his next project.

Qi Shu does a pretty good job, too. She's a lot more integral to the plot than, say, your latest Bond girl, and she looks great. I'm not so sure about the character... but you know what? Why analyze it? It's an action movie, and that's what you get - hard action, fast cars, hot women.

The posters and trailers would lead you to believe that this is directed by Luc Besson, but it's not. Besson co-wrote and produced, but another guy, Corey Yuen, directed. I wasn't disappointed - it had the Hong Kong action feel with a twist of Besson style to it.

Go check it out - I'd say it's worth prime-time prices, but if you can't afford it, definitely see it on the matinee.

I just spent 45 minutes at the gas station.

"Why," you might ask, "did you just spend 45 irretrievable minutes of your life at - of all places - a gas station?"

And I'll say, "Because, my dear, dear friend, the people at the gas station are fucking deaf."

"And what," you might further inquire, "exactly do you mean by that?"

Therein lies the story.

I went over to Barnes & Noble to pick up some .NET programming books on my lunch hour. Hey, I can expense 'em, right? So I got some good stuff to help me learn new and cool things.

I then went to Haggen to pick up some lunch items so I can put lunches together next week. Noticed they had some Dijon garlic mustard there so I had to get some. It's... okay. Not what I was expecting. But I digress.

Finally, last stop before I came back to work, I stopped at the gas station. [In]conveniently enough, my cell phone rang just as the guy came to ask me what I wanted. I answered the phone (said "hang on a sec!") and looked at the guy and told him, "Fill with premium."

"Fill?" asks the guy.

"Yup. Fill," say I, and go back to the phone conversation.

I finish up on the phone and look back to see how much money this is going to cost me when I notice that he's filling my tank with regular.

Now, a bit of inside info: Normally when people ask for premium gas, it's a ploy to look important or rich. Yes, I do seriously believe that. But sometimes they ask for it because their car requires it. I have a 2002 Acura RSX Type-S. The standard RSX requires a gas with 86+ octane rating or it will ping and knock; the Type-S requires a 91+ octane rating or it will ping and knock (and, I've heard, slowly just destroy things in there). Regular unleaded is an 87 octane; "Plus" unleaded is 89; Premium is 92. I have to buy premium or it fucks up my car.

I hop out of the car and stop the pump from filling. At this point, I'm pretty much screwed, though - I've got a full tank of regular gas, way too low on the octane for me to want to risk going anywhere.

I get the manager out there and he's all, "Well, we can stick a can of octane boost in there and that'll bring the octane level up where you want it..." Cool, let's do it. "...But we don't have any right now, so you have the choice of going to get some yourself or waiting for one of my guys to go get it and bring it back."

I'll let you in on a secret: I don't know jack squat about cars. I don't know where to shop for parts, which parts or chemicals to shop for, or what I'd do with them if I did. Besides which, I'm not driving the car because it's got the wrong gas in it.

So I chose to wait for the guy to bring back some octane boost. He was pretty quick about it, only about a half hour or so, but damn, that's 45 minutes at the gas station.

Lesson learned: Watch every move everyone makes around you or someone's going to fuck up your shit.

The Transporter is out tonight and my dad and I will be going to see it. I'm stoked. I'm hoping it's as badass as it looks in the trailers. Usually Luc Besson movies are, but I'm noticing this was directed by Corey Yuen, whoever that is (looks like he's done a lot of Hong Kong action stuff). Either way, I'm ready to go.

Watched Survivor last night on my new TV - the first real show I've gotten to just sit down and watch since I got the thing hooked up. It was the bomb. Didn't hurt that they voted that whiny bitch Ghandia out, either. Now if they will just vote Robb out...

Weird dream Monday night: I was at a Tori Amos concert where the audience seemed to be only about 30 people. Tori made several costume changes during the show, though I can only remember that one was an old-school cheerleader and one was the Queen of Hearts (though it looked closer to something out of Cirque du Soleil). After the show, she came out into the audience (where I seemed to be the only person) and said, "He's not dying on a deathbed, he's living on a deathbed, making facelets for the stars." Then she handed me a concert program - it was the Who Makes Facelets Anymore? Tour - and walked away.

That's when I woke up.

I don't know what a facelet is. I have this weird image of my mind of a charm bracelet that has a bunch of Lego people heads on it with various expressions on their faces. Maybe that's what it is. I wonder if I made something like that, if people would buy them. Like, on eBay or something. I wonder if Lego sells just the heads of the people.

Now that weird time is over...

Last time I wrote, I had the entertainment center built and the TV was going to be delivered Monday afternoon.

Since then: The TV did, in fact, get delivered on Monday afternoon. I didn't see it on the web page before, but the TV itself weighs 304 pounds and the stand weighs 69 pounds. That's 373 pounds (169.2 kg for you metric folks) of TV. Damn, anyway. Luckily, the stand is smooth on the bottom, so I can sort of slide it around on the carpet with a lot of effort.

I got the stereo components all put into the new entertainment center cabinet and all the wires have been run between all the various components and the television. That only took about five hours. I tried to do a reasonable job of cable management, but in the end, there are so many cables and I got pissed off enough that I just sort of let the extra cable do its own thing. I zip-tied stuff as best I could, but there's just too much to fight. Like one guy against the Huns. Much profanity was to be had, and my knees really hurt now from sitting on them while running cables. That all happened Monday night.

Last night, after helping my dad hook up his new printer, I went home and cleaned up the majority of the mess left behind by the technology transition. I still haven't read the gigantic user manual that came with my TV and I really need to do that. There are features on there that I want to use that I don't know how to, and there are some features I don't even know what they do. Maybe tonight. There are still some big boxes that need to go out to the recycle bin, too.

And there wasn't enough room in the living room to leave out the rocking chair we have, so I disassembled it so it can go in a closet. Now if only we had room to put it in a closet...

Come hell or high water, I'm going to play something on the PS2 tonight. I mean, that's a significant portion of why I bought the damn TV anyway.

Speaking of PS2 and cool games, I pre-ordered the Grand Theft Auto: Vice City soundtrack box set yesterday. Amazon doesn't have much info about it, so for info check out the Vice City Radio site, but if you're going to buy it, why not buy it through me? :) It's a seven-disc box set. Each disc has all of the music from one of the GTA: VC radio stations. You can buy each disc separately, but hey, I'm down with all of 'em. I'm always down with the 80's tunes.

Lots of stuff happened this weekend, culminating in my loss of a hefty chunk of change to the Gods of Technology. But, as usual, let's start at the beginning, as that's a very good place to start.

Friday night Jenn and I went to the Hawks game versus Spokane where Spokane promptly thrashed us, five to three. I wasn't really disappointed, though, since the Hawks really played their asses off. It was a very exciting game, and I congratulate them on a game well played.

Saturday afternoon we went to a wedding reception for one of Jenn's friends, Connie. Connie's cool, but I've really only met her, uh, twice now, and the only other person I knew there, Derek, another of Jenn's friends, left almost as soon as we got there. So I really didn't know anyone at this thing, it was outside during the drizzle, and it was just slightly cold. But the food was really good - which is not something you can usually claim at a wedding reception - so I can't call it a loss. I filled up my plate like three times with various and sundry goodies. Unfortunately, we were unable to stay for cake (and I did want cake) because we had been there for two hours already and the cake wasn't going to be cut for another hour after that. Might have been good cake, but I'm not sticking around for hours on end just to have cake.

Saturday night we hung out with my friend Gerb, who is currently attending Western Oregon University to get his degree in Theater Arts. I hadn't seen him in quite a while, so it was good to have him over to meet the new kitty, visit, and generally hang out. Good times.

Sunday we were going to get done all the crappy housework that we hadn't finished all week long. I was planning on washing and waxing my car, shopping, finishing up the laundry, and maybe sitting down to watch Monsters, Inc. That is almost, but not completely, exactly unlike what happened Sunday.

Got up, cleaned the shower and the toilet in our bathroom, took a shower, got dressed. So far, so good. Cleaned up the living room a bit, then took a break to play a little Dynasty Warriors 3.

Finished up a couple of levels in the game, then went to my parents' house to visit and wash/wax my car. My parents decided to go to Ethan Allen prior to us getting there, so I didn't get to see them, but I did wash my car. I waxed the front end prior to the sun coming out and making the car too hot to finish waxing. I got the front end, which I think is the important part. I can see why people pay other people to wax their cars. That job sucks ass.

While I was finishing up the front end wax job, I got a call from the sales guy (Rod) at Magnolia Hi-Fi. He said that my TV was in, but because of the stupid Port of Portland strike/lockout/whatever that's going on, they only have three of the sets until the end of the month. Needless to say, I headed down to Magnolia.

Got to Magnolia and waited - seriously - about an hour for Rod to finish up with some other customers who, it looked to me, didn't actually buy anything. Maybe they did, and I didn't see it. They did sit up talking by the cash register for quite a while.

When Rod finally got to me, it was probably the easiest sale he made all week. He knew I wanted it, I knew I wanted it, so we worked out a deal where I got the four-year extended warranty for pretty cheap, the TV, and a component video cable so I can see the progressive scan output from my new DVD player.

A lot of people have asked me questions about the TV, so I thought I'd answer them.

1. Q: How much did you pay for your TV? I heard it was expensive.
   A: It seems a lot of folks are genuinely concerned for my budgetary needs, and I have to thank them for that concern. Contrary to popular belief, I do not have any credit problems or any difficulties in planning out my budget to make ends meet. But, since you asked, it broke down like this:
   $2835 - Sony KV40XBR800 TV, with stand
   $200 - Magnolia Four-Year Performance Guarantee
   $47 - Middle-tier component video cables
   $3082 - TOTAL
2. Q: Why would you spend that much on a TV?
   A: I like TV. I like my PS2. I like DVDs. Maybe you just bought a computer for $3000. Maybe you just bought a car stereo for $3000. I bought a TV. I like TV.
3. Q: Why wouldn't you just buy a rear projection TV like everyone else?
   A: If you look dead-on at a rear projection TV, it looks great. You ever stand up while trying to watch it? It fades out. Maybe not too much, but it fades. Now start walking toward the side of the TV. The closer you get, the darker the picture gets. That bugs me. There are only three TV types that don't really do that - LCD, plasma, and tube. LCD is way too expensive. Plasma... I almost did that, but they aren't quite to the point where the price justifies the performance. Which leaves tube TVs. The Sony KV40XBR800 is the largest tube TV made.
4. Q: That thing must be huge...
   A: It is, thanks.
5. Q: What does a TV like that do?
   A: Lots of stuff. Check out the Sony page on it and read up. You'll want one, too.

So anyway, I bought the TV and signed up for delivery between 11a and 2p today. I told 'em that Jenn won't be there until 12:30p, but Rod said not to worry about it. Fine.

The stand that the TV comes with isn't big enough to hold all my shit. I have the whole home theater thing - amp/tuner, DVD player, CD player, VCR, digital cable box, PS2, turntable, tape deck... There are two shelves on the TV stand, and for such an immense TV, the stand shelves are two sizes - small and extra-small. I think I can put the cable box and the PS2 on each shelf, respectively, and the rest... uh...

With that thought in mind, Jenn and I went to Fred Meyer, where we found a pretty bitchin' Sauder home theater system that had all the racks and stuff to hold our crap. Of course, they were out of them at the store we were at, so we ended up going to BFE to pick it up, but it all paid off. They loaded both boxes (it came in two boxes) into my car, and I was homeward bound.

I got home and... shit, that thing was 200 pounds per box if it was an ounce. I don't know who at Sauder thought it would be a good idea to make it that heavy, but I can envision the conversation going something like this:

Designer: We've got this new product that will work wonderfully for folks with larger televisions. It's got a couple of nice cabinets and a shelf over the top.

Boss: Great! Quality wood?

Designer: Only the best. Inch-thick finished particle board.

Boss: That's perfect. Package it up.

Designer: I recommend putting this in five boxes - the pieces are too heavy to put in just two boxes. Most folks can't just heave 200 pounds over their shoulders.

Boss: Fuck that! You're fucking fired! Two box maximum. Americans are a bunch of pussies anyway. If people were in shape, we'd be able to put it all in ONE box. Just for that, I'm going to make all the pre-drilled screw holes just slightly too small so people won't get any weaker than they are.

I ended up opening the boxes in the car and taking it upstairs piece by piece. That was, oh, 6:00p. By 10:00p my hands were feeling arthritic and my arms couldn't move, but all of the stuff was out of the old entertainment center and into the new one. Not hooked up - hey, no TV - but sitting in there so the cats can't get to it.

We thusly loaded up Jenn's sister's truck with the old entertainment center and hauled it over to her place. Merry Christmas, Danelle. :)

I woke up this morning, got in the shower, and am starting to think that my cat has opposable thumbs, and she's using them to oppose me. The temperature in the shower fluctuated wildly between lukewarm and freezing cold, and the only explanation I have for it is that someone was in the other bathroom turning the hot water on and off. Since we lock her in the bathroom at night (otherwise she cries outside our bedroom door and tears things up - actually destroys stuff - because she's lonely and won't play with the other cat), that's the only thing I can think of. She's doing it to punish me.

Anyway, that was the weekend. Now I'm just waiting for the TV to be delivered and I will have completed the ordeal that started so long ago with a trip to Issaquah. Tonight, we party!

Wednesday was a loooong day for me. I got up at 6:15a, got to work at 7:30a, started doing after-hours server patches at 5:00p, and finally left work at 1:30a Thursday. I was going to skip out on work Thursday, but I had a lunch appointment with the CTO, so I came in just in time for that and worked a half day after lunch.

Let me tell you, I was dragging Thursday.

I found a new thing I need to get: The Lego Star Wars Star Destroyer. Over 3,000 pieces, this thing is three feet long and two feet wide. I must have it.

The sales guy from Magnolia called me today and told me that the floor model of my TV will be in on Sunday, so I should come by then to check it out. It took long enough, but I'm glad it's finally here. I'll go in and check it then, and if all looks good (and I can work out a deal for a stand, too - the stand it comes with is too small to hold all my stuff), I'll get it. Hell, yeah. Big screen, here I come.

I can't begin to count how many people have sent me this World's Funniest Joke article, but let me tell you: The joke itself really isn't the world's funniest joke. Maybe humor is one of those things that can't be gained by committee or something. It's a decent joke and whatnot, but it didn't have me busting a gut or anything. And now you certainly can't tell the sonofabitch at a party because everyone's heard it. I wonder if, by declaring the joke "World's Funniest," they've somehow destroyed the funny part of the joke, thus making it not the World's Funniest Joke.

I've got like six different support incidents open with Microsoft right now, and for some reason, I feel like either Microsoft has a bunch of blockheaded morons working in its support department or they have a bunch of support personnel who need some training in comprehension skills. My favorite current issue is this:

Installing Internet Explorer 6.0 Service Pack 1 on a SharePoint Portal Server will break certain SharePoint Portal Server functionality.

I know this to be true, just as the sun rises in the east. Tell me if you think I'm off-base in my thinking. Here's what I did:

I had a perfectly functional SharePoint Portal Server development box. It had all the latest patches on Windows Update except for Internet Explorer 6.0 Service Pack 1. (It had IE6, just not the service pack.) I put IE6 SP1 on the machine. After I did that, the server wouldn't let me edit items on it that were over a certain length. I got mad and tried to uninstall the service pack, but that didn't fix it.

I formatted the machine and installed Windows 2000 Server from scratch. I brought it fully up to date on Windows patches. I installed SharePoint Portal Server and all of its respective patches. I got everything back up to snuff - except IE6 SP1 - and it worked. I then installed IE6 SP1 on it and the server stopped working again. "No way," I thought, "could this be so." I did it again.

I formatted the machine again and put Windows 2000 Server and SharePoint Portal Server on it, yadda, yadda, yadda. Got it all together and it worked fine. Installed IE6 SP1 on the machine - it stopped working.

Finally rebuilt the box one last time and this time I've not put IE6 SP1 on it. It's working fine.

That feels like pretty conclusive evidence to me that IE6 SP1 breaks SharePoint Portal Server.

What do I get from Microsoft? "Check and see if all of your servers have the same hotfixes." Yes, you moron, all of my servers are fully up-to-date on everything except IE6 SP1. "Is it my understanding that you have servers on which you don't see this problem?" Look, numbnuts, I didn't install it on any other servers because it fucking breaks them. So, no, I don't see the problem on any of my servers because I didn't install the damn patch. And, before you ask, NO, I'm not going to "test it out" on my production machines. You have servers over there, you replicate the motherfucker. I did it twice. I swear to you on all you believe holy that IE6 SP1 fucks up SharePoint Portal Server. Take that as gospel and go with it, okay?

I'm getting worked up just thinking about it.

I watched Survivor last night. Eh. I'm glad they got rid of that Jed guy and all, but I am really hoping they get rid of Ghandia pretty soon. She's got some issues she needs to go home and deal with. At first, I thought she and Ted were going to deal with their little "chemistry" thing on a mature level, and Ted seemed prepared to do that, but then she went too far and started a huge rumor mill, blowing the whole thing out of proportion. No psycho chicks, thank you very much. Vote her ass off.

More than that, though, I want Robb voted off. Just because he's a cocky asshole. Enough said on that issue.

I have to say that I'll be slightly disappointed if and when they vote Erin off, though. She's got quite the rack, if I do say so myself. (Even though she really doesn't stand out in any other way; she doesn't talk on the camera, she doesn't create controversy... she just sort of fades into the background. Hey, maybe that's her strategy.)

The Hawks are playing Kootenay tonight. Should be a good game. I've got my jersey on and I'm ready to go.

I picked up the American Idol Greatest Moments CD this morning after my allergy shots and I'm reasonably pleased. Besides the fact that Fred Meyer had it on sale for $12.97, it's got some pretty good stuff on it. But I do have a tiny gripe.

The music itself seems somehow... underprocessed. Or something. Have you ever heard a low-budget Christian album? Or maybe someone singing a song along with the demo on a Casio keyboard? The songs sound like that. Like the music in the background is slightly overproduced while the singer got a $10 microphone and a maximum of two takes in the studio. Maybe the mixing is off or something. But it's bugging me like nobody's business.

And to top it off, AJ Gil is on this motherfucker, and I can't stand his nasal Backstreet-wannabe voice. He destroys a perfectly good Stevie Wonder tune. I'm getting worked up just thinking about it.

I've been playing a lot of Dynasty Warriors 3 lately with Jenn and it's been pretty fun. I've been building up my character's strength so I can better defeat some of the single-player levels. We've played all the multiplayer levels several times, so now it's time to play some more of the single-player levels so I can unlock more of the multipayer ones. Lucky for me, she's got a meeting tonight, so I'll hammer away at that so next time we play we can try some new stuff.

Jenn is having a similar problem to me in finding a good Alice costume. The only decent one comes in satin, which isn't even right - I'm pretty sure Alice didn't run around in Wonderland wearing all satin. Also, I haven't seen any Alice costumes that have the proper petticoat with them - Alice had a petticoat.

Anyway, that whole thing is a problem. I'm leaning toward the ninja costume more and more, but it would be cool if Jenn could go as Alice. Alice is a hottie.

I exercised extreme willpower yesterday while shopping. The new Harry Potter Legos are in Fred Meyer for 20% off. With Mom's employee discount, that makes them right affordable. But I had to abstain from purchase, following my new mantra: I'm saving for my TV... I'm saving for my TV... I'm saving for my TV...

Speaking of TV, I found out there's some sort of strike or lockout or something going on at the Port of Portland and there's a bunch of stuff just sitting at the dock not being delivered to the stores. Now, normally I'd just pass it off with a "that sucks" and call it good, but I started thinking... Magnolia Hi-Fi is waiting for the TV to come in, and the shipment's been delayed... My TV is probably sitting on the fucking dock, waiting for some stupid contract negotiation or something to complete. I have a mind to go down there and start something. Deliver my TV already. Damn.